


Cops and Robbers

by Shekiyah



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Childhood Friends, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Murder, Old Friends, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 09:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 40,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25967242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shekiyah/pseuds/Shekiyah
Summary: You've been friends with the Shelby boys for so long. The war took something from everyone, and life has moved on from the years you called the Shelby boys yours. Can a reunion spark a new beginning?
Relationships: John Shelby/Reader, Tommy Shelby/Reader
Comments: 23
Kudos: 176





	1. Cops and Robbers

You had been calling them your boys since you were 8. At seven, your mother had taken you to have a playdate with Ada while she talked to Polly about grown up business. Much to your mother's and Ada's dismay, you were much more interested in playing cops and robbers with the boys. 

At first, Tommy would only let you be the damsel in distress, because even back then Tommy made all the rules. You grew tired of being the damsel quickly, and had no problem voicing your opinions. 

"I could be a robber!" You insist, stamping your foot down one morning after church. 

"No you can't, robbers don't wear pretty dresses," John said, earning an elbow in his side from Arthur. 

"John's got you there, (Y/N)," Arthur said. "And why's you wanna play with us, anyhow? I bet Ada's got another doll for ya. Playing with boys is dirty work."

Tommy nods as Arthur puts John in a headlock and the mass of them get into a wrestling match.

"Robbers can wear fancy dresses if they steal them!" You exclaimed, jumping into the fray. 

Arthur let up on his grip on John once he realized you had joined the tousle and did his best to back away, but you gripped onto Tommy's shirt and went rolling on the grass, kicking and hitting until you rolled on top of him and pressed him into the dirt.

"Let me play, Tommy Shelby, or I'll tell everyone I won," you said. 

Arthur chuckled and John let out a loud laugh as Tommy's face went red.

"I only let you because you're Ada's friend and we're not supposed to hurt girls," Tommy huffed as he dumped you off of him. "If you want to play, fine, but you get to be a copper with Arthur."

"I want to be a robber!" You yelled, upset that you weren't getting your way.

"I have to be a robber, you see, because I'm too smart to be a copper," Tommy said, losing patience. "And I want John as my robber. So you get to be a copper. Maybe next time if you don't go crying to Pol."

And after that day, they were your boys. You played with them. You fought with them. And you loved them with the fierceness of your heart. They stopped Timmy McKee from bullying you at 11, and you helped them in little ways here and there, like helping Tommy get a note to a girl, or sneaking Arthur his favorite candy after he got in trouble for a fight, or even helping John with his homework a time or two. You even got Ada to join in the games a few times and became better acquainted with her. She became your confidante in things you weren't willing to tell the boys.

Your mother was unimpressed, voicing her worries to Polly about you being "boy crazy" at such a young age, but Polly just smiled and brushed her comments off.

"She's not boy crazy," Polly said before taking a drag of her cigarette. "She's power hungry. Dangerous ambition. I like that one."

Your mother had huffed but let you be, and stopped fighting it after a few choice words from Polly through the years. Your father shrugged and decided that if you wanted to adopt more brothers, you were allowed to do so. 

Polly quickly became Aunt Polly, and you became another rowdy body at the table, dirty feet and mouth wide.

The years went on and you stuck around, helping the boys with their mischief and gossiping with Ada about boys and the girls fawning over the Shelby boys. You were just as much a sister as their own blood, and they tormented you as such.

When they went off to the war, you decided to help with Finn and help run errands for Polly. With the men folk fighting, Polly was running the small illegal business Tommy had started, keeping contacts open and illegal activities flowing through Birmingham.

Before the boys returned, you had found a nice job in London working at the Sabini club. You filled drinks and kept your head down. The club was filled with drugs and debauchery but as long as you filled drinks and kept your mouth shut around the right people, you were a blessing. You were always on time and kept away from the extracurriculars that occupied and ruined many a barmaid before you. 

Sabini had gotten so fed up with barmaids being found unconscious or otherwise preoccupied with a gentleman in a dark corner that he made a rule that no one could drink on the clock. All drinks bought for the girls were to be given once their shift was over. Like drinks were the only problem. 

You kept in touch with Polly, asking about the family and letting her know how you were doing. The money from the club paid for a modest flat in Birmingham near your mum that you mostly visited when you had multiple days off and could find a ride. Otherwise you paid one of the other girls, Liza, a small fee to sleep on her couch. 

You knew the boys were back from the war, and that Tommy had reclaimed his business from Polly. You knew Tommy wanted to expand his presence and power, and his brothers were all too eager to help him along. You even knew that they must have been doing something right, because you could hear the whispers about "those Peaky Blinders" and "that gypsy Shelby family" all the way into London. You hadn't properly seen most of the family in years and yet people in Birmingham gave you respect you otherwise wouldn't have had. You talked to Polly here and there, checking in like, and you talked to Ada when you caught her. Ada was always busy, with her head in the clouds and a man after her heart. You left her to her daydreams and followed yours to the money that could fix almost anything. Money may not buy happiness but it helped with comforts, and that was as close as a girl like you could imagine you'd get to being happy.

The night at the club started like any other. You wore your flapper dress with gold and maroon and your matching maroon heels. You took drinks to the patron tables; quick to slink away with a smile before a hand wandered. You were getting surprisingly good at staying just out of reach and keeping a confident smile on your lips even when you wanted to hit a man with your tray.

There was never a scarcity of available girls or men, and so any wandering eye moved on rather quickly if they determined any amount of work was required. So if you smiled and slipped through the crowd confidently, you were safe from most wandering hands. 

As you went to put an order in at the bar, you noticed another set of girls gossiping while they waited on their drinks. 

"What's the news tonight, ladies?" You said, joining the two to make a circle. "A regular find a new victim? Sid skip out on his tab again?"

"How about those Blinders taking a seat in the middle of the club?" A brunette named Grace said. 

"Blinders?" You said, "In London? What are they doing here?"

"No one's asked," she giggled. "They haven't been served yet. Once Sabini finds out, I'm not sure they'll be walking out on their own two feet."

"Well then," you said with fake contemplation, "I guess I'll have to go see if I can get a tip before that happens." 

You winked at the girls as they gasped and giggled. 

"You wouldn't!" Grace said. "Oh you're so bad!"

You took your tray and with a wink and a smile you backed away from the girls and made your way to the middle of the room. You found three men sitting at a table, coats and hats still on, looking very uncomfortable as they watched the show around them. 

"John, stop gawking," Tommy's voice rumbled. "Arthur, calm down." 

You slipped past a woman sniffing drugs off of her hand and another man pressing a different girl against a nearby table as her hand inched toward his crotch. 

"If you missed me so much, you could have just asked Pol when I'd be back in Birmingham next," you said dryly. "What are you drinking before you start this fight?"

Arthur squinted at you before he tapped his hand on the table. 

"(Y/N)!" He exclaimed, "Why, I haven't seen you in years. You were just a kid."

"We all have to grow up sometime," you said, patting him on the shoulder. "Tommy, John, causing mischief as always?"

Tommy was frowning, looking at you closely, and John was frozen in his spot as you moved around the table. 

"What are you doing here, (Y/N)?" Tommy finally said. "Pol didn't mention you worked for Sabini." 

"She wouldn't have, though, would she Tommy?" John said. "Not unless there was good reason." 

"A girl's got to make a living," you said. "If you taught me anything, Tommy, you taught me nothing comes in the way of money or family." 

"Unless it is money or family," Tommy said. "How long have you been hiding in London?"

"About a year," you said. "Running for Pol introduced me to plenty of people, and Sabini liked that I keep my mouth shut when business comes through."

"Well then," Tommy said. "How about you get us all a round of whiskeys, and one for yourself, for this unexpected reunion?" 

"I can do that," you said evenly, "but my drink won't be able to be poured until I'm done for the night. House orders." 

"House orders?" Arthur murmured. "They got fucking in the aisles and snow in every corner but a barmaid can't get a drink?"

You shrug. John still hasn't stopped watching you, so you move closer to his side of the table.

"You're being awful quiet," you nudged, "that's not the John boy I know." 

"I can't tell if I see any of the (Y/N) I know," John said. "That dress doesn't look like anything I remember." 

His eyes move over your figure slowly, and you feel your eyebrow raise in defiance. You shimmy slightly as his eyes go from your hips to your heels. 

"Robbers can wear fancy dresses if they steal them," you said with a smile. 

A wide smile spreads across John's face as he recognizes the statement. 

"So is that what you've been up to, (Y/N)," Tommy rumbled. "Have you been playing cops and robbers without us? Find better partners?"

"You'll always be my boys, Tommy," you said. "I think aunt Pol would tell you if I got myself tied to another wagon."

"Pol only told us not to bother you," Arthur said. "That you had your own life going and you were doing fine at it."

"Seeing as you're big enough to work for Sabini, you're big enough to answer for yourself," Tommy said, a spark in his blue eyes as he leaned his elbows on the table and lit a cigarette. "How about you come back home and be our robber again? You can barkeep at The Garrison and keep us company in the back. You'll make better than here. If Harry can't keep you, I'll pay you myself." 

"But I thought I was a copper, Tommy," you said playfully. His jaw ticked as you moved your dress to sparkle in the low light. "Remember?" 

"I'm starting to think you're too smart to be a copper, too, (Y/N)" Tommy said as he pressed his hands together and pointed at you, "but don't get a big head about it." 

"I might be amenable to that," you said, smile widening into a Cheshire grin. "Only girl to best Tommy Shelby might finally get recognition." 

Arthur chuckled, opening his arm to you. You walk over to him and he moved his hand to your waist and pats your hip as he looks over to Tommy. 

"I missed this one, Tom," he said. "Finally found a mouth that gives you a run for your money."

"That mouth still get you in trouble, yeah?" John said, leaning back in his chair and putting a leg on the table. "Hard to believe Sabini could muzzle you." 

"No one muzzles me, John boy," you said moving out of Arthur's reach as you point at John. "Is your dick still doing all your thinking?" 

John turned red and sat up as he started to scowl. Tommy and Arthur both chuckling low.

"Right, well, before too long I suspect we're going to get a visit from your boss," Tommy said, smacking the table for attention. "So you need to go quit. Don't fight me now, (Y/N), just go quit. Arthur and I have some business to attend, but John, you can take the car and take (Y/N) home in Birmingham. She's done in London. I'll talk to Harry in the morning and you can start tomorrow night. Don't," he waved at your dress, "wear that. Dress how you like, but not that."

You open your mouth to fight Tommy, only to see Sabini's men whispering in the back. You close your mouth and nod, gripping your tray. 

"Looks like you have less time than you thought. I'll be outside in ten minutes, John boy." 

You walk quickly back to the bar and find Liza, the girl you stay with, and let her know you won't be staying any longer. You say goodbye to a few of the girls and with a few hugs, you slip into the back to get your coat and bag. You stop at the bar and tell bartender Jack that you quit, deciding to let him tell whoever else needs to know. 

"I'm done, Jack," you said. "I'm going back home." 

Jack looks confused before getting angry and raising his hands. 

"But you're my best girl, (Y/N)!" He tells over the music as he throws glasses into the sink. "You're the only one that's not distracted by snow or dick."

"You'll find a new best girl, Jack" you say walking backwards toward the door before turning your back and walking away. "Get 'em off the snow and they're all your best girls!"

You shrug your coat on the rest of the way before looking around the exit and noticing three men surrounding the Shelby table and voices getting louder. 

"Now's not the time to test your fighting skills, (Y/N)," John said as he hooks arms with you and walks you out of the building at a dizzying pace. 

"What's the rush?" You asked, being towed along in your heels. 

"Tommy's about to take over," John said matter of fact-ly, ushering you toward a car parked near the front. 

"I'd get your door but you're not a girl," John teases, opening his own door and jumping in. 

You open the door and barely slide in before he's turned the car on and started moving forward. 

You jump as a loud crash comes from the club and the music stops. All you hear is Arthur yelling into the mic "by orders of the PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS." 

John laughs as you slam your door shut and you take off into the night to return to Birmingham. 

As the club got farther away, John settled into his seat. He cleared his throat. 

"I didn't even ask if you needed to pick up anything…" he said, leaving the statement open.

"I don't have much at Liza's, and she can keep most of it," you said, planning your purse on the floorboards and opening your long coat. "Anything I'm missing too bad I can always write or come get."

"Hmm," John sounded. 

"Hmm," you mimicked back.

A silence filled the car. 

"Alright, John," you said as you took your coat off. "I'm still me. You're still you. It's been a few years, but for fucks sake, relax." 

John exhaled a chuckle before bumping your shoulder. 

"Still read me like a book, I see," he said. 

"Still haven't picked up a book, I see," you said as you bumped back. 

"I let Tommy do the thinking," John shot back. "Tommy's the brains, Arthur's the brawn…"

"And you use your Shelby blues to whore any girl that'll have you," you sang back, crinkling your nose, "I see things haven't changed."

"You have," John huffed back. "When did you become a girl?"

"I've always been a girl, John boy," you spat back, "you've just been too dumb to notice." 

John laughs and you lay your head on his shoulder, squeezing his arm. 

"Might've missed this," you whisper right before you let out a yawn. 

"Yeah? Well curl up there and take a nap," John said. "I'll get us home." 

"Okay, John boy," you said as you curled your legs up on the chair and leaned on him more. "I am a little sad I couldn't get that drink with my boys. Maybe tomorrow."

"Maybe," John sounded.

\---

"(Y/N), wake up," John whispered as she gently shook you. "We made it back to the garage. I need to walk you home."

You whimper and try to dig yourself more into his shoulder, not wanting to wake. John chuckles and lightly taps your jaw.

"Rise and shine," he sung playfully.

"Why couldn't you have just driven me home?" You whine, finally moving off of his shoulder. 

"Because," John said and stepped out of the car. "Tommy's got a bottle of whiskey hidden in the garage. Thought you wanted that drink."

Your eyes shot open as you tried to wake up.

"Whiskey?" You murmured.

"Thought that would wake you," he said, pulling a half empty bottle from behind some things and shook it at you. 

"Just one," you said, trying not to rub your eyes and ruin your makeup. "One. Then home."

"Ohhh," John razzed. "Spoil sport. That's not my fun (Y/N)." 

"Last time Harry saw me I was a teen getting my da from the Garrison because he was too drunk to walk home by himself and mum was a mess," you said, getting out of the car with your bag and fixing your dress. "I'd prefer I be a little put together for my first day working for him."

"How is your da, speaking of?" John asked as he held the bottle out to tease you, "and your mum?"

"Passed," you said flatly, reaching for the bottle. John's smile faultered, letting the bottle dip into your hands. "Pa, at least. The war. Mum works at the washer. I help out." 

"I'm sorry to hear that," he said. 

You shrug, taking the cap off the bottle. 

"We all lost something in the war," you said before taking a long drag from the bottle. 

"You're still as wild as ever," John said, nudging the bottle up until whiskey splashed down your chin. You gulped and lowered the bottle quickly as you dabbed the whiskey with your wrist.

"And you're still as much trouble," you said, licking the whiskey from your lips. 

John tilted his head, watching you closely for a moment in the dark garage. You watched him back, eyebrow quirked in a question. He squinted before taking a step forward and reached out to wipe a bead of whiskey from your chin and put his finger in his mouth. 

"Only as much trouble as you're willin'," he said in a low tone before taking the bottle from you and taking a big swig himself. 

"John boy," you said, taking the bottle back for another swig. "What are you doing? I know all your tricks. I helped you make a few of them."

"Thought you said you just wanted one drink," he taunted back, a boyish grin spreading across his face in triumph.

You take a deep drink and hum as you hand it back to him, watching him take one last drink before putting the cap back on and setting it on the ground near the car. 

"I need to be drunk if you're going to try me," you said smiling as you walk backward out of the garage, motioning for John to walk you home. 

"So's you're giving me a chance," John said as he tried to keep a serious face before laughing and looking down. 

He kicked a rock at his feet before looking back up at you. You raised your hand, beckoning him to come to you. Every step he moved forward, you stepped back, grin widening as you let out a giggle. 

"How about this," you said, a finger raised to stop him as you stepped out of your maroon heels. "Take your boots off. We do this as we've done before. First to the street wins."

"Wins what?" John asked, already leaning down to untie his boots. 

You pick up your heels to place them in your bag and realize you left your coat in the car as a breeze outside of the garage makes you shiver. 

"Wins the choice of if you get to kiss me goodnight or not," you said, watching John's eyes light up as he struts to your side with his boots in hand. He gives the slightest nod and you're already running down the gravel driveway, laughing far too loud in the dead of night, but you don't care because John is right behind you laughing just as loud. 

You both race on the gravel, too busy laughing to complain about the pain. You can hear him right behind you as you feel a warm hand circle your waist and pick you up, spinning you around so he's the first to the road. 

"No fair!" You shriek, kicking and twisting in his arms.

"You didn't give any rules!" He laughs back, putting you down once both of his feet are flatly on the road. You pout as John sets you down on the gravel, a big smile on his face. 

"I win," he said in the cocky tone you've heard him use on so many girls before. 

"You cheated," you retorted.

"You expected more from a Shelby?" He said, eyebrow cocked as he mocked you. 

"Shut up and take me home," you said, defeated. 

John laughed and took off his coat, encircling you in the smell of tobacco and warmth. He held his arm out for you to take and begin your walk down to your home. 

"I'm just a few down from mum," you said. 

"Why don't you live with her?" He asked, chewing on his lip.

"After I started taking more jobs with Pol, she decided what I was doing wasn't 'lady-like' and would hurt my chances at a husband. Said I couldn't live under her roof if I wanted to work like a man, so aunt Pol found me a spot down the road." 

"Yer mum can be a right bitch," John said, causing you to laugh. 

"You don't know the half of it," you say, squeezing his arm. 

"We all turned out alright," he said. 

"We did," you agreed. 

You walk in comfortable silence until you get to your doorstep. You let go of his arm and go to give him his coat but he stops you. 

"I'll get it 'morrow," he said, shuffling his feet. "Gotta get yours back, anyway." 

You nod, not sure what to do. You fumble your bag, reaching for your keys. John clears his throat, stepping forward.

"I think I won a choice earlier," he said, nose to nose with you. 

"You did," you said breathlessly. John smirks, looking you in the eye before licking his lips and looking at yours. He leans in and you freeze to the spot as his lips barely graze yours.

"Goodnight, (Y/N)," John whispered against your lips, raising every hair on your body. 

John turned around, shit-eating grin on his face as he trudged back to the house.

You exhale, frustrated. 

"Goodnight John!" You yelled. 

All you hear is his deep chuckle somewhere in the dark.


	2. Pretty but Naive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Working at The Garrison was so much easier than Sabini's club. After the night that John drove you home to Birmingham, you had started work the next afternoon and quickly picked up the routine.  
> No more skimpy or overly shiny dresses. A plain cotton one did the trick and breathed better as you ran around to tables and across the bar to refill drinks. You were back home, so almost everyone knew who you were and why you were there so there were almost no issues with wandering hands or vile words.  
> Harry was a good boss and not long after you were taken on, Arthur bought The Garrison. The boys did their business there anyway so it was only smart they own it. Nothing much changed afterwards. Harry still ran things and you were a hard worker as well as a friend of the Shelby's so you were well cared for.  
> Except for once.

Working at The Garrison was so much easier than Sabini's club. After the night that John drove you home to Birmingham, you had started work the next afternoon and quickly picked up the routine. 

No more skimpy or overly shiny dresses. A plain cotton one did the trick and breathed better as you ran around to tables and across the bar to refill drinks. You were back home, so almost everyone knew who you were and why you were there so there were almost no issues with wandering hands or vile words. An occasional drunkard misstepped, but it was nowhere near as bad as London. You were generally happier and making the same amount of money as before.

Harry was a good boss and not long after you were taken on, Arthur bought The Garrison. The boys did their business there anyway so it was only smart they own it. Nothing much changed afterwards. Harry still ran things and you were a hard worker as well as a friend of the Shelby's so you were well cared for.

Except for once. 

On a very busy night, you went to pass around a round of beers to a group of younger Peaky Blinders boys; Finn and Isaiah leading the group.

"Oy, Finn, be a sweetheart and pass this to Isaiah," you said as you handed two beers to the youngest Shelby. He and Isaiah had chosen the seats with their backs to the wall, their friends surrounding them in the other chairs. 

"Yes'm," Finn said as he passed the second beer to Isaiah. "Any way I could get a nip of whiskey?"

Finn eyed you curiously as you stopped handing out beers on the tray and stood up, wiping your hands on the apron around your dress.

"How old are you now, Finny?" You said. "Fourteen, fifteen?"

"There's abouts," he replied, puffing out his chest. "I run things around for Tommy and even play lookout sometimes. I'm grown."

"Hmm," you considered. "I think Tommy'd still prefers you off the heavy until you're at least 17-18 like 'saiah over here, eh?" 

You started leaning back over and passing out the drinks as the group started to laugh and Finn turned red around the ears. He sipped his beer in defeat. You were almost finished passing out drinks when you felt a teenage hand slap your ass and squeeze.

"What is she, Finn, to be calling you Finny and denying you whiskey?" The boy asked. "Is she your old wet nurse?"

The other Blinders teens laughed along with him except for Finn and Isaiah. Both had wide eyes as you slowly stood up to look down upon the teen with a scowl and a cocked eyebrow.

"I did nanny  _ Finny _ while he was younger," you said evenly. "I've also run more errands for Pol and the boys than you could imagine while you were still playing in the dirt."

You eyed the boy sternly as you felt the heat rise in your gut and your anger increase.

"If I asked, you'd be dead by morning," you said, teeth bared. "But I won't ask, I'll just cut you m'self. So kindly put your hands on your beer and off my arse."

The teen's eyes were wide as his hand dropped from you and went to his drink. His eyes cast down as he let out the smallest "yes ma'am" you had ever heard. 

You nodded, looking up at the rest of the table. 

"Now," you said, expelling your breath and putting a real smile back on, "can I get you boys anything else?" 

A quiet round of "No ma'am" and "No (Y/N)" echoed around the table. 

"Good boys," you said as you picked up your tray and walked away.

The table erupted with laughter behind you as you left. You heard Isaiah and Finn immediately begin to tease the boy and you smiled your way back to behind the bar.

"Always had a way with the boys, didn't you, (Y/N)?" Tommy teased as he slipped out of the private room and sat at the bar. 

"Never had a problem with the ones that weren't easily afraid," you retorted with a wink. "Who wants to keep the yellow ones around, anyhow?"

Tommy chuckled.

\----

On slow days, you had time to sit in the private room with the boys and shoot the breeze. On a particularly slow day, Tommy had the others running errands for him and he had decided to sit at the empty bar and talk to you.

"(Y/N)," Tommy asked as he eyed you before taking a drink of his whiskey. "Why aren't you married by now? Surely you've been courted by someone."

You leaned on the counter, leaning in as if to tell a secret. 

"Once," you replied. "Remember Timmy McKee?"

"The git we beat for pushing you down when we was kids?" He asked incredulously. "He had the balls to try to marry you?"

You nodded solemnly. 

"Tried," you whispered. "He was talking to Da about it and started coming around after you lot were shipped out."

He leaned in, curiosity written all over his face.

"I told him if he valued any appendages he'd walk out and not look back," you said solemnly. "Mum turned blue from anger. Dad was stone faced. McKee all but ran out of the house. Ended up marrying Sue. Sweet girl. Pretty sure he beats her."

You shrugged and stood up, going to clean a few of the dirty glasses pilling up by the sink. 

Tommy chuckled, leaning back in his seat and spread his hands across the bar in front of him. 

"What did your dad do after McKee ran?" Tommy asked.

"He started laughing," you said with a grin. "Mum sent us both to bed without dinner."

\----

Time sort of blended together after working at The Garrison for a while. It was all pretty much the same. Some nights were slow. Some were packed with people. Sometimes the Shelby's had you working the private room while they conducted business. 

On days off you were closer to your Mum and would visit. She was angry you worked for the Shelby's but seemed happier you were closer to home. When she drove you too crazy you ran off to visit Polly or Ada.

The days bled together, but you didn't care because you felt a part of the Shelby's again. They were family and you felt loved. 

Your favorite part was being able to goof off with your boys, but you had never forgotten the night that John had driven you home. 

On yet another night of working at The Garrison, you were walking back to the bar after dispensing more drinks when warm hands grabbed your middle and spun you into a chest. 

"Did I ever tell you how nice you look in that color?" John said as he deflected your tray from hitting him and took it out of your hands and placed it onto the bar counter. 

His cheeky grin was contagious when he bit down on the pick in his mouth.

"Only every time I wear it, John boy," you said, relaxing into his arms and patting his chest. "What do I owe this honor?"

"Well," he said, faking seriousness, "I've noticed our young Finn has gone from clutching your skirts to wanting in them -- and as one of his big brothers -- I'm here to tease him by teasing  _ you _ ."

"Oh now," you said, your pat turning into a smack, "he's just a babe. The wind blows wrong and he's as stiff as a flagpole. You should know, you've never grown out of it." 

"Maybe," he murmured, ignoring the jab, "but maybe I just like a chance at holding you close, (Y/N)."

Your eyes jerked up to meet his before you giggled nervously.

"Be careful where you aim that charm, John," you warned before you hesitantly stepped out of his arms to return to behind the bar. 

"Right," John said before sitting in an empty seat at the bar. "How about two whiskeys then."

"I can take them to you in the private room if you like?" You asked before turning your back on him to reach the whiskey on the top shelf he liked best.

"That may be a problem, unless Harry plans on covering for you, (Y/N)," John said playfully before raising his voice. "Harry, can I nip (Y/N) off your hands for a bit?"

"Aye," Harry said, not looking up from cleaning off a table. "But have 'er come back out during the rush in a few hours." 

"I can do that, Harry. I'm still right here," you said loudly as you sat back on your heels with the whiskey in your hand. When you turned, you saw John staring at you with a smirk. He rolled the pick across his lips with his tongue as he made eye contact with you. Your breath caught for a moment.

"Well you didn't bloody well ask me, now did you?" Harry chirped back. "You had John do it. So he got your answer."

Harry's retort snapped you out of it and you rolled your eyes at the cranky old man. You picked up two glasses with the hand that wasn't holding whiskey and followed John into the private room the Shelby's used for business.

"Slide in," John said as he went to sit with his back to the wall. 

"A lady doesn't slide," you said, placing the whiskey and glasses on the table and moving them toward the back where John sit 

"Good thing you aren't a lady then, huh (Y/N)," John teased, taking the pick out of his mouth and setting it on the table. 

You huffed a little as you sat down and moved to sit next to John. He was already filling the glasses with a double neat. 

"To bringin' old friends back into the fold," he said as he raised his glass and motioned you to take yours. 

"I've been here a while now," you said, clinking his glass before you both shoot back the drink. 

As you open your eyes and look back at John you catch him staring again. 

"Yeah well," he said, clearing his throat, "might've missed you more than I realized. You're a sight for sore eyes, you are."

"Aww," you cooed teasingly. "Is my John boy getting soft?"

You bumped his shoulder playfully before filling the glasses again. 

"To friends that feel like family," you said, raising your glass.

John hummed noncommittally. 

"Never much thought of kissing my sister," John said with a wink as he clinked your glass. You both quickly finished that round, too. You both put your glasses on the table with a thud.

"Never had the guts to kiss me anyway," you said offhandedly. "You chose not to, remember?"

John grabbed your chin so fast your head spun. His thumb and index finger dug into your skin as he pulled your face closer to his. When your lips were barely grazing his, his fingers dropped from your chin and his hand firmly rested upon your throat. He didn't choke you, but firmly held you in place. Your heart thudded against your ribcage. 

"I could choose to," he said gruffly. 

His blue eyes met yours before looking down at your lips. His tongue wetted his lips and ghosted over your own. You couldn't breathe.

"You could," you finally squeaked out. 

"Do you want me to?" John asked. 

"Yes," you whispered. 

You had expected John's lips to collide with yours, but instead he pulled you closer by your throat and ever-so-softly kissed you. He left you hungry. 

When he let go of your neck and pulled away, you pushed against him in the booth, needing the space to not exist between you. You pressed your lips back on his and could feel his smile as you slid your hands under his coat. 

He licked your bottom lip and you opened your mouth to his silent request, deepening the kiss. His hands pressed into your sides and set your skin on fire. 

As you both continued kissing, one of your hands found his face again and his hands started to wander to your skirts. John softly kissed your jawline and down your neck as he pulled you under him in the booth. His hand found warm skin near your knee and he groaned into your neck as his rough fingers pressed upwards into your soft thigh. 

"John," you half moaned, half said apprehensively. 

You pushed his face up to yours as his hands froze in place and his face pressed against your hand to kiss you again before meeting your gaze. 

"(Y/N)," John murmured back, his pupils blown out and a lazy smile appearing on his lips.

"Slow down," you said quietly. 

Recognition lifted the haze in his eyes and he gave your thigh one last squeeze before he slowly moved his hand down and out of your skirts and used his hand around your waist to upright you beside him. 

He looked at you like you were a spooked mare. He set a soft kiss on your forehead before releasing you from his grip. He cleared his throat, scratching his head as his ears turned pink. 

"Right so," he said. "Another drink?"

You did have another. And another. And when you finished your shift, John was waiting for you with a bottle in hand for many more. You walked through town in the dead of night, drinking and talking -- and occasionally kissing.

You stumbled into your flat at dawn the next morning, knowing full well you were going to nurse a hangover and be miserable before work. But you were absolutely elated.

And when you finished your shift the next night, John was there. 

And the night after. 

And after that. 

John didn't push during kissing after the first night. He waited for you to lead. He started learning your tells as the nights went on and would kiss you or touch you so softly that it would drive you to kiss him harder. You would push against him more until you could feel that cocky grin of his against your lips. And you both would laugh and go back to what you were doing. 

Some nights you wandered town. Others you dipped in the pond. You would sit on the steps of your flat and talk. Most nights were filled with conversations. You talked about each other's days, of business, of family, of dreams or ideas or anything that came to mind.

You were exhausted at work but in such a happy mood that no one commented on the bags under your eyes.

After too many nights out with John to count, there was a slow night at The Garrison that had you itching to be home.

Harry and you both started doing inventory on the liquors to order, as there were not but a handful of patrons in the place. None of the Shelby's had been in most of the day. Business, you were sure. Bloody business. 

Tommy walked in close to midnight, looking stiff. He waved you to him and nodded toward the private room. You nodded and grabbed his favorite whiskey and a glass.

"Long day, Tommy?" You said happily. "Not long till close."

"Very long," he replied shortly, reaching into his breast pocket for a cigarette and lighting it. 

He eyed you for a moment before patting the bench beside him. You sat down and put the whiskey and glass on the table in front of you.

"You've been staying out late every night with John," Tommy said, taking a long pull from his cigarette. 

"I have," you said smiling as you poured him a glass.

"(Y/N), you know he has children," Tommy said kindly. 

"Yuh," you said. "Three, from Martha, his late wife. John's told me."

"Four," Tommy said. "He has four children. A newborn. With his wife."

"Wife?" You said, frozen to the spot. 

"Esme," Tommy said, lightly resting his hand on your shoulder. "A Lee girl. He went to marry Lizzie a year or more back, said he needed a wife. It was my doing. We needed a truce. He needed a wife. He fought me at first, but he seems to like her."

"I see," you said softly, holding your breath. 

"John boy didn't mention that part, did he?" Tommy replied just as soft. 

"No," you flinched at his name. You could feel your lungs lose all their air as your world crumpled around the edges. 

Tommy nodded, more to himself than you, and his eyes were far away. He set his jaw.

"She's missing him, in the nights," Tommy grinded out, rubbing your back softly. "Starting to get worried. Upset. Gypsy women are hard enough to keep in one place. Home with a newborn and three kids. Best to keep her happy. For the truce."

"For the truce," you recited, voice cracking. "Nothing comes in the way of money or family."

Tommy touched your shoulder, and when you didn't turn he grabbed your chin and pushed your head up to look at him.

"Unless it  _ is _ money or family," he said softly. 

"Hey," he said in a low voice as your eyes locked with his. "Look at me. You're all right, love. You didn't know. You didn't know."

You crashed into his arms, burying your head into his shoulder before your tears could fall. Your breath hitched and Tommy wrapped his arms around you, forgetting about his cigarette dropped into his drink. He petted your hair, soothing you with soft sounds like he did the horses. It only made you hold on tighter.

"Take a couple days off," Tommy said finally, putting your face into his hands. "Go see Polly. Drink some tea. Get your head straight, yeah?"

"Yes, Tommy," you sniffled, nodding into his hands like a child. Tears streaked your face. He wiped one away with his thumb. His eyes softened.

"Atta girl," Tommy said quietly, kissing the top of your head as he pulled you back to his chest. "Stay outta sight for a few nights until you get your head straight. Then come back."

"Tommy," you said, voice so small.

"Yes (Y/N)," Tommy said.

"It was silly of me to ever think I'd really be a Shelby girl, wasn't it?"

Tommy sighed and lightly squeezed you closer to his chest. 

"No, sweetheart," he whispered into your hair as you started sobbing again. "You've always been a Blinders girl. You just can't be  _ his  _ Shelby girl."

When you walked home that night, it was alone. Your chest was tight with anticipation. You only relaxed once you closed your door and locked it behind you. You slid down the door in a puddle and cried again, arms wrapped around your knees.

\---- 

Tea with Polly was pretty much what you expected it to be. You waited until the house was empty from the boys running work or errands and then slipped in the back door. 

Your face was still red and puffy from crying, and you froze as you ran into Finn in the doorway. Finn jolted to catch his biscuit before looking up at you and immediately changing his scowl into concern.

"(Y/N), what --" he started.

"Not now, Finny," you said softly. 

"But what --" he tried again. 

"Leave the girl alone and run your errands, Finn," Polly's harsh voice echoed across the kitchen. "Go on."

Polly leaned in the doorway of the kitchen opposite of the two she was cooly eyeing. You shrunk under her critical gaze as if you were already being scolded. Finn huffed and slipped past you to go outside. 

"Not now, Finn," he mocked, stomping away. "Go on, Finn. Bloody adults."

"Water's on the stove," Polly said. "Grab two teas and bring them in to sit."

"Yes ma'am," you said quietly as you set out to do what she tasked you with. In a few moments you had two hot teas placed on the table and sat opposite the chair Polly sat in watching you.

"So," she trailed. "What's wrong with my (Y/N)? Did the boys leave you out again?"

You flinched at the tease. Polly sighed. 

"What'd they do?" She asked in a more gentle tone.

You told her about John and the conversation you had with Tommy. Her face grew more and more grim as the story went on.

"So you were the tarte keeping John from coming home," Polly said, leaving back in her chair. She saw your face fall and she waved you off. "Oh, you aren't a tarte but  _ you were the tarte _ , girl. All those conversations that were whispered while we couldn't find out what he was up to. Where he was sneaking about."

"I think I love him, Pol," you whispered as you ran your hands through your hair. "Nothing else could hurt this much, could it? He  _ lied  _ to me."

"Don't think with your heart when a man is thinking with his dick," she scowled, taking a long drag from her cigarette and pointed at you. "Even if it's one of my nephews --  _ especially _ if it's one of my nephews."

"How was I supposed to know he was thinking with his dick?" You asked crossly, putting your head in your hands. Polly laughed.

"All men think with their dick," she said. "And Shelby's are especially known to ruin many a good thing because of it."

"I won't be his tarte, Pol," you said. 

"I never expected you to be," Polly said, taking a sip of her tea. "I expected you to be smarter. Go be about your business and make him realize his mistakes."

\----

You didn't visit your mum, knowing full well that she would only chide you for the indiscretion. You weren't strong enough to pretend, so instead you went shopping. You got your usual groceries, and when you noticed a pretty blue cotton dress in a window, you bought it. You had to. It was Shelby's eye blue.

You stayed home the next day and just read. You soaked in the tub until the water was frigid. You started to fidget when the time came that you usually left for work, but you stayed in. One more night. Two nights at home, and you'll be strong enough to go back into work. You had to be strong.

The next day you woke up and lounged. You took your time primping yourself, putting your makeup on slowly, teasing your hair up into something more intricate than a ponytail, fitting into your new blue dress. With each layer you put more mental walls up, preparing for your night at work. You even wore a pair of higher heels than you usually did. 

When the time came you clacked down the cobblestone to The Garrison, not entirely sure of what your night would end up like but entirely ready for anything. 

You reached the steps of The Garrison and took one last big breath and exhaled before you walked in. 

"Harry, I'm back," you called, walking toward the bar and grabbing your apron to put on. 

"Thank fuck for that, little bird, because we're busy tonight," he called as he emptied his tray with a round of beers to a table. "Grab a tray and I'll see to behind the bar."

"Aye," you called back, already filling a few drinks at the bar and taking their money before doing as he asked. 

The night was definitely fast. You spun yourself around the bar, filling drinks and laughing with a few of the regulars along the way. 

Arthur popped in around eleven and waved you over, smile on his face. 

"Well would you look at (Y/N)," he offered as you walked toward him with a smile. "Don't you look pretty tonight. I'm sure you're getting all the tips." 

You laughed as he took your hand and spun you once, looking from your dress to your heels. 

"Good night on your end, Arthur?" You asked. 

"Good night indeed," he answered, whiskey already on his breath. "Business was good and now that I've seen you, the night is even better."

"Oh, now," you joked. "Don't be too sweet on me. I might melt." 

Arthur spun you into a hug and you laughed as Tommy and John came in behind him. Tommy nodded his head to you before slipping into the private room and John watched you closely before doing the same. 

"Let me go, Arthur, and I'll get you boys your drinks," you said as you went to turn around. 

"Don't be long, love," Arthur said with a wink. "It's going to be a rowdy night."

"The rowdier, the better," you called over your shoulder, already slipping past Harry behind the bar to grab the glasses and the bottle. 

"Get them their drinks and come back out," Harry chided as he worked at cleaning glasses. "Now's not the night for you to run off." 

"Yessir," you said sweetly as you kissed his cheek quickly and slipped past him again. 

"Don't tease an old man and do as yer told," Harry yelled, but he had a smile on his face as he watched you run off. 

You open the door and moved into the private area, the Shelby's already in their spots smoking cigars. Arthur nearest the door on the left, Tommy in the corner facing the door, and John on the right. You stood between John and Arthur, facing Tommy.

"Cigars tonight?" You lilted. "Business really  _ must  _ have been good." 

"We're expanding, (Y/N)," Tommy said. "Bigger and better business." 

You poured their drinks, handing them to each brother, a wide smile on your face. 

"Congratulations, boys," you said. 

"How about a congratulations kiss," Arthur said, taking his cap off and placing it on the table. He raised his cheek to you and pointed at it. "For good luck."

"Now," you said, faking exasperation with your hands on your hips. "Harry just told me not to tease an old man. I thought you said when you hired me to listen to him."

All the boys chuckled good naturedly and you bent down to give him a kiss on the cheek. 

"Anything else before I get out of here?" You said with a laugh. "Harry will have my head if you keep me too long."

"Not right now," Tommy said. "But do check in."

You raised your eyebrow before dipping into an exaggerated curtsy. 

"Whatever you say, King Tommy," you drawled before spinning on your heels and returning to the rest of the bar. 

You left the bottle with them, knowing they'd easily finish it. 

You went through the motions of the night, checking in periodically with the Shelby men to see if they finished the bottle or needed ice, or sometimes just to give one a jab. They all seemed in high spirits over whatever had happened and it lifted your own attitude to see them acting like kids again. 

However, John hadn't said more than a word or two all night and it was driving you mad. He was joking with Arthur and Tommy plenty, but as soon as you would enter the room it was almost like he grew quiet. He watched your jabs and taunts to the other two but never joined himself. 

After the bar had quieted and patrons left for the night, John came out of the room and stood between the door and the bar, watching you clean. Harry had disappeared into the back to take stock and pick up the alcohol to replace the night's used bottles.

"You've been tiptoeing around me all night, John boy," you said, finally breaking the silence. "I'm guessing you know I know and cat's got your tongue."

John stuttered a step but walked up and sat at a chair at the bar.

"I know," he said, tracing the wooden grooves on the bar top. 

"That's all you got for me?" You said, tired but incredulous. "You lied to me and all you can say is you know?"

John gulped, but looked up and kept eye contact. 

"I didn't lie," he said. "I just didn't tell you. There is a difference. Home is home. Business is business. They don't mix. They don't meet. That's why I don't invite her here."

"And I'm neither," you said, washing glasses a little more vigorously than before. 

"You're home, too," he said quietly, resuming his focus on tracing lines on the bar top. "But more like the first home. The one you grew up in as a child. The one your parents read to you and tucked you in, like."

You released a breath that you didn't know you were holding and lifted a soapy hand to your forehead. You dropped your shoulders. 

"Gotta grow up sometime, John," you said before you resumed scrubbing.

"I wasn't trying to hurt you, (Y/N)" he said. 

You slammed your glasses into the sink, hearing at least one break. You paused to take a heavy breath before you grabbed a towel to dry your hands.

"You once told me you're only as much trouble as I'm willin'," you started in a whisper that steadily grew louder. 

"(Y/N)," John pleaded.

"I'm not willin' no more, John boy," you said in a stronger voice than you thought capable. 

It almost sounded like your heart  _ wasn't  _ shattering. You finally found the courage to look him in the eye. His face was sheer regret. You stepped out of your heels and walked the paces to stand in front of him. You rested your elbows on the counter as you held John's jaw in both hands, squeezing tenderly.

"Do me a favor," you said with tears threatening to fall. "Give me a goodbye kiss, then go home to your family."

He looked you in the eye before looking down to your lips and squeezing his eyes shut. 

"It's alright, John," you soothed. "We're alright. I just need a goodbye."

He took a deep breath and placed a hand over your own and squeezed. 

"Goodnight, (Y/N)" he said hoarsely, before kissing you softly. 

You held the kiss for a moment before letting go of his face and leaning back slowly until you were standing upright again. Your eyes were still closed. That was it. It was done.

"Goodnight, John," you said, slowly opening your eyes. 

He was already slipping out of the door.

Tommy leaned in the private room's doorway watching you when you finally pulled yourself together. You decided to grab a rag and clean tables to get away from his prying eyes. 

"Tommy," you stuttered. "I thought you had already left." 

He hummed, kicked off the door frame, and walked your way. 

"Wanted to make sure that went smoothly," he said. "Looked like you parted just fine."

"You should know me well enough to know I'm not that girl," you glared at him before you wiped a table down and moved to another one. "I'm not anyone's tarte."

"Wasn't you I worried about," he said. "John's not always one to hear no."

You moved tables again and wiped it down. 

"What do you want, Tommy?" You asked, watching him follow you around the bar from the corner of your eye. "What are you scheming?"

"I just wanted to see if you're alright," he said before stepping closer. "That dress looks good on you, (Y/N)."

You threw the rag down on the table and stood up straight to look him in the eye.

"I'm fine," you said. 

"You shouldn't lie," Tommy retorted. "You're bad at it. But you did fine." 

You grunted noncommittally as Tommy stood toe to toe with you. You looked up at him and he touched your face, hesitating before he cupped your cheek. 

"(Y/N)," he said quietly as his warm breath teased your lips. 

"Tommy," you interjected, grabbing his hand that cupped your cheek. "You wouldn't lie to me, would you? You wouldn't … not tell me?"

"I wouldn't lie to you unless you wanted me to, (Y/N)" he said.

Your hand dropped from his and the creases that had appeared on his forehead smoothed. You were enamored with how blue his eyes were at the moment. At how they sparkled.

"Now, (Y/N)," he murmured as he leaned closer, "you absolved my brother of his sin with a kiss. Suffer me with a sin from the same indiscretion."


	3. Wear You Like A Halo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy asks you to attend a party to be a distraction while they do business. John finds out you have a few secrets. Tommy grows agitated.

In true Tommy fashion, the kiss was never spoken about once it happened. It had been a short, soft kiss. One that could have meant anything, and the possibilities left you more conflicted than the goodbye kiss to John ever could have. 

In the weeks after that night, everything had stayed relatively the same. The Shelby's still came in and conducted business or drank. You still helped Harry keep the bar in order. And you and the Shelby men still were on good terms. John had been distant for a time after that night; he had slowly started coming back around and you both were trying to find the new line that the friendship needed to be built around.

One day when you had come into The Garrison early, you were taking care of the few day customers while Harry worked on paperwork when Finn came running in. 

"(Y/N)," he said, bounding up to the bar, "I was hoping you were here."

"'lo Finny," you said with a smile. "I came in a bit early so Harry could catch up. Why were you looking for me?"

"Tommy asked me to get you and Lizzie," he said, looking nervously at the patrons at the bar. "He said 'go get (Y/N) and Lizzie Stark, it's her off day from being secretary, and take them both to my office' and that's what I'm after." 

"Oh did he?" You ask with a raised brow. "I suppose what King Tommy wants, King Tommy gets. Let me go talk to Harry and we'll be on the way."

Finn nods excitedly and you walk to the back. 

"Harry?" You called as you walked to the back office. "You got a moment?"

"Sure, sure," the man waved you in. "What do you want? I was almost done. One of the regulars driving you mad?"

"No, not that," you said as you leaned in the doorway of the small office and rubbed your arm. "Tommy has Finn at the bar, said he's here to fetch me to bring to the office for something."

Harry's eyes shot up from the paperwork and his brows knitted together. He licked his lips, dropping the pen and taking a deep breath before speaking. 

"(Y/N)," he started kindly. "I know you've known the Shelby's since you were children. I know," he paused, looking for words, "I know you care for them. And them for you, as far as I've seen. But be careful."

You tried to give him a confident smile, but it mostly felt forced.

"I'm careful, Harry," you said. "I've done plenty you wouldn't approve of before working here. I'll do plenty you don't approve of now."

"I have no doubt, little bird," he chuckled. "But you can only play with fire so long before something burns."

You nodded. 

"I know," you said quietly. Harry gave you a long look before smiling and nodding toward the hallway.

"Off with you," he said gruffly. "Tell the regulars I'll be out in a moment. Tell them not to help themselves in the meantime."

You smiled and nodded again, walking back to the bar.

"I'll be back," you called behind you. 

When you got back to the room, you told the regulars to wait on Harry in the back, and you gathered your coat from behind the bar.

"Let's go, Finny," you said, and smiled as he raised his arm for you to take. 

You let him lead you to the vehicle and open the door for you. You crawled in as he rounded the car and got in the driver's seat. Finn turned the ignition over and off to Lizzie's apartment down the road you went. 

Finn left you in the car to fetch Lizzie. You decided to scoot to the middle of the bench and straddle the stick shift to allow her the passenger seat so no one was forced to sit alone in the back. A few moments later you saw Finn escorted Lizzie out of the building and to the car. 

"(Y/N)," Lizzie said stiffly. "Do you know why Tommy wants us on my day off?"

"No clue, Lizzie," you said as Finn got in on the other side of you. "But I'm sure it's not regular business." 

Finn stiffened beside you and hesitated, but you weren't sure why. He started the vehicle and apprehensively shifted into first gear. 

"Well obviously he didn't want me for regular work if he's sending Finn," Lizzie said. "But why is he asking for us both?"

Finn drove slower than usual down the road, and you weren't sure how long it would take to get to the office at the current speed. 

"I wasn't told nothin'," Finn said, still putting slowly down the road. "I already said so."

"Yes, Finn," Lizzie said sharply. "We know your brother doesn't tell you anything. I was asking if (Y/N) knows."

You shrug, both shoulders touching the other two. 

"I didn't know I was asked for until Finny interrupted my work at The Garrison," you said, still noticing the Ford hadn't picked up speed since you left Lizzie's apartment.

"Oh for fucks sake, Finny," you said exasperated. "Push the clutch in, will you." 

You grabbed the shift between your legs and shoved it into second gear. 

"Yes ma'am," Finn gulped as he did what he was told and the Ford picked up speed. 

Lizzie chuckled. 

"Looks like you have a virgin Shelby after you as well," she said.

"Shut up, Liz," You said angrily. "He's a boy. Not everyone is ready to look for your services."

Lizzie quieted and held a scowl.

"Now can you be a man and shift or do we need to pull over and I drive?" You growled at Finn. 

"I'll drive," he said, edge in his voice. "Tommy told me to pick you up. He won't take kindly to you driving me back."

"I highly doubt Tommy would scold you if I took over the car," you said. "But I won't sit in first gear the entire trip. So grow up."

"Yes ma'am," Finn murmured, hesitantly grabbing the shift between your legs and moving into third gear. 

The rest of the drive took much less time.

When you arrived, Finn opened the passenger door and helped you both out of the car before leading you up to Tommy's office. He knocked on the closed door twice before Tommy called out "come in" in a rough voice. Finn opened the door for you both and let you walk to the chairs in front of Tommy's desk before closing the door behind you. 

"Sit down, ladies," Tommy said, head buried in paperwork and glasses on his face. "Let me look this one paper over and then I'll be right with you."

You both apprehensively took the two chairs and sat stiffly, eyeing Tommy. As you waited in the silence, you couldn't help but look Tommy over. 

Tommy's brow were tightly knotted as he read whatever paper was in front of him. His glasses barely hung on his nose, and his right hand held a cigarette that had been burning without his breath for quite some time. When he finally looked up, he looked at you first. His face relaxed as he noticed the intensity of your stare, but all emotion was soon hidden behind a blank face. 

"What do you want, Tommy?" You said, breaking the silence. "Why are we here?"

"Right," Tommy said, clearing his throat as he leaned back in his chair and looked between you both. "We have business, and we need" he paused, looking for the word, "decorations, with us. Distractions." 

"You need women so they don't look so hard at you," Lizzie said blankly. Tommy nodded. 

"Exactly," he said. "But we want women we can trust. They know Polly and Ada are family, and this isn't a family event. We need you two to come along and give them something to look at." 

"I'm not a whore, Tommy," you said angrily. "I'll not be traded."

"No trading," Tommy said, arms open as he tried placating your fears. "And no whoring. We just need you to pretend to be our girls while we talk." 

"You need us to pretend to be your whores," Lizzie said with agitation. "So they'll be looking at us and you won't be asked to be with theirs."

Tommy nodded. Lizzie pursed her lips and gave a short nod. You squinted at Tommy. 

"Can't you just bring whores for that?" You said.

"I don't trust whores," he said agitated. "I trust you. Now will you do it or do you need to keep fighting me?"

"It's not like you're really asking us," you snap back. 

"You're right," he said. "I'm not. We'll get you a nice set of dresses and pick you up at 7 tomorrow night. I'll tell Harry you're off, (Y/N)."

"Fine," you both mutter. Tommy's blue eyes looked sharply between you both before he nodded more to himself than to you. 

"Dress not so low on my back, please," you say softly, looking down at your hands in your lap.

"Right," he said, jaw clenching. "Be off with you. We'll see you tomorrow. Someone will deliver the dresses before then."

You both stood up and numbly walked out of the office. Once out of the building, you both paused, seeing Finn had already left with the car. Lizzie lit a cigarette.

"I see how he watches you," she said through her exhale of smoke. "But I'm the one he visits at night when his head is too loud."

"He still pays you, though, doesn't he?" You said quietly. "He pays you because it keeps you distant. It writes you off. He might go to you, but it's a transaction."

Lizzie froze, anger bubbled just beneath the surface. She dropped her cigarette, stomping it out and stormed off toward her apartment. 

\----

You were nervous through the night and into the next day. You didn't know exactly what you would be doing that night other than being pretty and quiet. 

Isaiah delivered the dress and matching heels around lunch. You tried to offer him tea or a snack but he waved you off.

"Nah," he said. "I've got more running to do," he walked backwards to the road. "But have a good time at the party. I peeked at the dress." 

He sent a wink that left your mouth agape as he ran down the road to finish doing whatever errands were given to him. You hugged the box to you and disappeared back into your home. 

You looked closely at the blue box before you finally had the courage to open it. You unwrapped the paper within and gasped at the sleek silky slip dress below. It was the same blue as the cotton one you had bought that was now your favorite. It had beading along the shoulders and heels dyed and beaded to match. You ran your hands over it lovingly, knowing the price they must have paid was far higher than you could ever afford. 

You got ready over the next few hours, curling your hair, putting it up off of your shoulders, putting on lipstick and getting dressed. You had found a small matching clutch in the box that you decided to place your lipstick and a few dollars in as you waited. You hesitated, looking at your small knife before slipping it into the bag as well.

Shortly after seven you heard a car park outside. You decided not to wait for them to come and get you, and instead stepped out of your home and locked the door behind you. 

"We were coming to get you, like a lady, (Y/N)," Arthur called from the street waving his hands in the air as he walked to you. 

"John and Tommy have never treated me like a lady in my life," you said, "no reason to start today."

"That's why I was comin' for ya," Arthur said as he gave you a side hug. "You look perfect. Lizzie's already in the back seat. In you go." 

He opened the door and ushered you in. You slid in, seeing Lizzie against the other door looking out the window and John in the middle seat giving you a wicked grin. Tommy was sitting in the passenger seat in front of you. Arthur shut your door as you settled in and he moved around the vehicle to the driver's seat. 

"Hello hello," you said, nudging John and looking between everyone. "Nice night for criminal activity, eh?"

"Don't worry about the business part," Tommy said. "Just enjoy the party and look pretty."

"And keep my mouth shut?" You said, leaning back.

"And keep your mouth shut," Tommy answered.

"And what's to happen if I don't?" You challenged.

"Do you ever shut up?" Lizzie said as she looked at you. You looked over John and glared at Lizzie.

"We all don't have history of being paid to be discrete, Liz," you shot back. "Can't help your price is so low."

"Enough," Tommy said loudly. "We're all going to this party and you both will be quiet. We'll do our dealings and be out without a problem. I chose you because you're loyal and can handle business. Don't make me regret it."

The car was silent. After a few moments, Arthur cleared his throat and asked Tommy a question, breaking the hold on the car. 

John looked to you, nudging your shoulder.

"You look good in that color," he said in a quiet voice as the conversation continued in the front seat. You smiled. 

"I see you're still trying your charms," you said.

"No harm in it," he said, pulling a pick from his pocket and placing it in his mouth. "We've been both called to business."

"Why didn't you have your wife come?" You asked. "She's got to be more trustworthy than --" 

You nodded to Lizzie, who was looking out the window. John's eyes softened.

"Can't be having both my favorite girls in danger at once," he said. "And someone's got to look after the children when I'm gone."

You wanted to melt, to feel the bloom of warmth that wanted to expand in your chest, but all you felt was cold.

"You'll never be gone, John," you said, nudging his shoulder with a sad smile. "Shelby's are too stubborn to die. You'll be a dirty old man making all the girls uncomfortable with your wink."

John gave a brief smile and rolled the pick in his mouth from one end of his smile to the other with his tongue. 

"Maybe," he said noncommittally. "Until then, I'm here. With you. Might as well enjoy it."

You smiled and squeezed his arm before resting your head on his shoulder. You looked out the window to see Tommy's eyes meet yours in the side mirror. His face was perfectly blank but his eyes held a storm that you weren't sure of the cause. 

\----

The car arrived at a gorgeous large home surrounded by land just as dusk darkened the sky. 

"A party?" Lizzie said. "We're dressed for London and going to a party."

"It's a good cover for business," Arthur said. "Little fun, little business, and dirt on those that stay the night."

"Oh," she said. "That sort of party." 

You felt Lizzie shift uncomfortably in her seat and immediately felt on edge. You looked over and finally noticed her dress was very similar to yours, only a mustard color with brown beading. She picked at the beading near the bottom of her dress.

"We'll take care of ye," Arthur rumbled. "Stick close and smile and it'll be over before you know it."

"Who's to be matched with who?" You asked and fidgeted with your clutch. The car stopped in front of the house and a boy came to take the keys from Arthur.

Your question was ignored and the doors opened for you and Lizzie. You stepped out in your heels, feeling the gravel crunch below your feet. The game was on. 

John exited the car on Lizzie's side and took her arm to escort her in. You nervously looked back to the house and felt a touch on your shoulder. 

Tommy had lit a cigarette and was taking a long inhale of the smoke as his hand was outreached for yours. He nodded as the smoke rose from his mouth to his nose, disappearing back into his lungs. You smiled and took his arm, stilling yourself for a moment in preparation. 

You and Tommy led the pack through the doors, shortly followed by John and Lizzie, and Arthur trailing behind. The house was massive and bright. Men talked in groups and women similarly dressed to you were peppered in. Dark corners held couples kissing and drugs. You watched people closely as Tommy led you to a side den and what you could guess was the host. 

"Ah yes!" Tommy exclaimed, mentioning the man's name, but you were so nervous you immediately forgot it. "Beautiful home. Thank you for having us."

"Tommy Shelby," the man said cooly, leaning against a fireplace. "Thank you. I see you brought your brothers."

The man looked to be middle aged with a mustache. His brown suit was nice and he held a glass of liquor on ice. He looked intently at you and Lizzie, up and down like he was looking over a horse at the market.

"And who are these beauties?" He said as he clicked his tongue. You did your best not to drop your smile. "I told you I would provide the entertainment tonight."

"You did," Tommy said, "but we Shelby's prefer a bit of Birmingham with us wherever we go."

"I see why," the man said, holding his hand out to take yours. You let him. 

"(Y/N), Pleasure. And this," you said, deflecting his eyes off of you, "is Lizzie."

Lizzie murmured her pleasantries and smiled and Tommy cleared his throat, bringing the man's attention back to him. 

"Right," he said. "So shall we have a drink and talk business, or talk business and have a drink?"

"Tommy," the man jested. "Always to the point. I have a few other matters to attend to, so best you men get these ladies a drink before. Enjoy the party. I'll be back shortly."

The man walked away and your group was left to wander the party. Tommy touched the small of your back and led you out of the den. Your stomach was butterflies when you walked into a larger living area with multiple large ornate couches. He motioned for you to sit on the couch and John ushered Lizzie beside you. 

"We'll find you two drinks," John said as he looked around the crowded room. "Stay here."

"You need three men to get five drinks?" Lizzie said dryly. "Sounds like a Shelby."

Tommy rolled his eyes before looking down at you both perched on the couch.

"We'll be back shortly," he said. "Just stay here and you'll get your drink."

"Gin," Lizzie sounded.

"Whiskey," you said after.

"Always whiskey," John said with a wink before the brothers left to find the alcohol. 

"They're scoping out the layout," you said as you watched the crowd, "It's as much the alcohol and girl watching as it is the job."

Lizzie opened her mouth and then clamped it shut as she saw a man sit on the arm of the couch next to you. She smiled and touched your hand.

"I think I'm going to find my own drink," she said, looking from your eyes to behind you with a tight smile. You watched her leave the same direction the boys did and jumped when you realized a man was sitting on the arm of your seat, looking down at you like a predator. 

"May I help you?" You said, leaning away from the man to look up at him. 

"You shouldn't have been left alone," he said as he fingered the dark beading of your dress on your shoulder. "I can get you a drink. Are you a gin or vodka girl?"

"No thank you," you said, scooting into the middle of the couch to get away from his reach. "I have a drink on its way."

"Oh now," he said as he slipped onto the seat where you had sat. "No need not to be friendly."

His hand slid onto your thigh and played with the dress at your knee. Your teeth grinded together as you looked up at his smirk.

"I said no," you said. "Do you need to hear it again?"

The man's smirk slowly turned into a look of confusion as he looked down at your hand holding a small knife against his crotch. No one around you seemed to have noticed your interaction.

"(Y/N) I've got your whiskey--" John said as he barrelled toward the couch holding drinks in both hands. He stopped directly in front of you when he noticed the man. His eyes grew wide as he looked down at your hand holding the knife before he gave you a careful look.

"Thank you, John," you said as you slid your knife back into your bag and reached for your drink. "I was just telling this man--"

"Roy," the man supplied in a daze. His eyes moved between you and John, who smirked down at you as he handed you your drink. Roy's hand slowly moved off of your leg and onto his own lap.

"Roy," you said, "that I already had someone to get me a drink." 

Tommy and Arthur walked up behind John before Arthur passed him to sit beside you and Tommy looked at Roy over John's shoulder. 

"Where's Liz off to?" Arthur said, his arm slung over your shoulder as he took a drink. 

"She told me she was getting her own drink," you said evenly, meeting Tommy's hard eyes as he soaked in the situation. 

"Right," Roy said, seemingly snapped out of his daze. "It looks like you have proper company. Nice to meet you."

"John," Tommy said, eyeing Roy's departure, "Go find Lizzie." 

"Right," John said with a grin. "Let's hope she's not threatening to cut off a man's balls, too."

Arthur laughed. Tommy stiffly took the seat beside you, both hands holding drinks. You sipped yours and returned to watching the crowd, all too aware of how close you were next to Tommy. 

Tommy quickly downed the first drink before putting the empty glass near the foot of the couch. You looked over at him curiously.

"How were you to cut off balls without a knife, (Y/N)?" He rumbled, drinking from his second glass slower.

"Who says I didn't have a knife, Tommy?" You said with a raised brow.

He hummed, running the glass across his lip before taking another drink. Arthur finished his drink and stood up to get another. 

You had gotten used to an arm around you and shifted in your seat, growing anxious without the weight to ground you. You shook as you looked around, untethered while the rest of the party buzzed around you. A couple took the other side of the couch and it only unnerved you more.

You looked over at Tommy, who watched you silently, taking in your every movement with his cool blue eyes. You watched him claim a cigarette and matches from his pocket with his empty hand and give you his matches. He looked at you expectantly but didn't say anything.

You wrapped your fingers around a match and pressed it against the box, sparking a flame and letting it lazily caress the cigarette between his lips until it caught fire. 

Tommy leaned into the corner of the couch with his drink in hand and his other arm on your shoulder, pulling you into his chest until you were draped over him. He reached around you, pulled the cigarette from his mouth, and blew the smoke above you both. 

"You're shaking," he whispered into your ear. "Relax. And for fucks sake behave from now on." 

You found yourself melting into his side, grateful for the touch. You people watched with him in comfortable silence until John returned with Lizzie on his arm and Arthur and the host in tow.

"Tommy!" The man said cheerfully, his cheeks much redder than before. "I found your entourage, but it looks like you snuck away for a moment's silence. I'm ready to talk business in my office if you are."

"I'm always ready for business," Tommy said, giving you a small squeeze before ushering you both to your feet. 

"Great!" The man said. "Follow me."

The man turned to lead and Tommy rested his hand on your hip, pulling you beside him to follow. Lizzie scowled and burrowed into John's side as you passed. You slowed a step but Tommy's hand pressed into your hip to urge you forward at his side.

The man led your group to a study before and sat behind a large wooden desk. He pulled a decanter of alcohol from a cabinet, pulling out four glasses with it. He waved to the three seats in front of him. 

Your boys took the three wingback seats and Lizzie sat upon the arm of Tommy's seat in the middle. You decided to look at the library of books along the wall. 

You heard them all talk, but you mostly paid attention to tone rather than words. You ran your fingers along the books and noticed most of them sounded scientific or mathematical in nature. A lot had to do with statistics. You froze as the tone shifted in the room. You looked over your shoulder with your hand still on the bookcase when you heard John call your name.

"Come sit over here, little bird," John said, using Harry's nickname for you, and patted his knee with a smirk. "You're making our friend nervous."

You smiled shyly and walked over to John before pausing above him. He patted a knee of his splayed legs again. You gritted your teeth before sitting on his right knee, your legs in between his and your hip against the arm of the chair. His hand wrapped around your waist and rested on your thigh as the conversation started again. 

You tried to focus on the conversation about horses in front of you, but you felt John's hand loosen it's hold on your leg and move to play with the beading at your left shoulder. You turned slightly and shot him a look to stop but his eyes were intent on your skin. 

John's brows furrowed and he tried moving the beading off your shoulder. You shrugged him off and whispered a hiss at him. He stopped for a moment and nodded for you to look ahead. You paused before doing so, feeling him lean forward behind you. 

You froze in place when John slid his hand under the strap and it fell down your shoulder. You eyed Arthur and Tommy as John nuzzled your bare shoulder and pressed his lips to it. Arthur ran his tongue over his teeth in his closed mouth as he watched John. Lizzie perched on Tommy's chair smirking at you. 

Tommy's jaw ticked but he didn't look over to you two once in his conversation. You slowly pressed your heel into John's instep until he hissed against your skin and moved the strap back onto your shoulder. 

You closed your eyes, knowing full well what he discovered. Your tattoo. Even when you had gone swimming with him in the dead of night, clothes thrown to the edge of the pond, you had always been careful not to show him your shoulder. You hadn't worn low back dresses in years. You were sure people thought it was for modesty, but in truth you didn't want to show the world that you had a tattoo. You loved it, but it was for you and you knew how society treated tattooed men. You didn't want to be seen as a freak for your own.

You sat still as stone for the rest of the meeting, and John returned his hand to your lap. You could feel his cocky grin behind you and you fumed at the blatant disrespect of boundaries.

When the business wrapped up, the men all shook hands and said their pleasantries and you all were ushered back into the party. When the host drifted off, you twisted in John's arms and smacked this chest.

"Don't you ever touch me like that again," you growled, trying to keep your voice down. Tommy and Arthur moved between you two and glared at you both. 

"What was that?" Arthur said and glared at John. 

"Our (Y/N)'s marked," John said, licking his lips as he eyed you. "And it's not fresh. How many more surprises are you hiding under there?"

"Marked?" Arthur said, looking at you in confusion. "Like a tattoo? How'd you find someone to give you that?"

"You can find them," you said shortly. "This isn't about my tattoos, this is about you" you jabbed your finger at John's chest, "not respecting me. You have a wife."

"More than one, eh? The only way to get a good look at your shoulder was to play into what I'm seen as, innit?" John said and laughed. "No one asks when ol' John boy gets frisky. They continue on with business, and now I know your secret."

John's eyes sparkled as you pressed your lips into a thin line. Tommy watched you two closely for a moment before he stepped directly in between you. 

"Right," he said, causing you both to step back to give him the space between. "We've done what we came here for. I would have said let's enjoy the party but no one can fucking behave long enough. We're done here, let's go home."

Lizzie laughed and Tommy raised a finger at her.

"You're not innocent, Liz," Tommy said, glaring at her. "Now let's get the fuck out of here."

You all followed Tommy out of the house like scolded children. A boy brought the car around and you all went back to the seats you had before. 

The car was quiet. John was all too happy with himself beside you; Arthur looked bothered but confused as he drove and Tommy watched you too closely through the side window as you looked out into the dark.

"(Y/N)," Tommy said, breaking the silence as the car turned into the road from the long driveway, "what is your tattoo of?"

"It's not a branding or an allegiance, Tommy," you said combatively, hugging yourself. "I wanted it. Thought it was pretty. It's only meant for me."

"And what is it?" Tommy pressed, growing agitated. You glared at him through the side mirror.

"That's between me and whoever falls in my bed, innit?" You shot back. 

"And me," John said teasingly. "Do I get to fall in your bed tonight, (Y/N), or are we still worried about Esme?"

You elbowed him hard in the ribs and he doubled as he clutched his side. 

"And here I thought you were a good girl with bad company," Arthur said. "Turns out you have some secrets, don't you little bird?"

"A knife and a tattoo all in one night," Tommy mused. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Not my fault you got more than you bargained for," you said. "Isn't  _ King Tommy _ supposed to have us all figured out, like? With his big brain?"

You stared defiantly at Tommy and he regarded you back. The ride was a quiet standoff between you and him the rest of the way. Lizzie scowled out the window the entire ride. When Arthur dropped her off she left the car without a word and went into her apartment without looking back. 

You touched the door handle and opened your mouth to tell them you'd walk home from there when Tommy interrupted.

"Get out, I'll take (Y/N) home myself," Tommy said. 

Arthur and John both started to protest. Tommy raised a hand, quieting them.

"I need a talk with our little bird," he said. 

You let go of the handle as if it burned you and shrunk next to John in the back seat. He instinctively wrapped his arm over your shoulder.

"Tommy," Arthur protested. 

"Out," Tommy said again before he opened his door and then yours. 

"Night, John boy," you said softly as you unwrapped yourself from him to get out of the car. 

"You haven't called me that in weeks," he murmured surprised. "Night, (Y/N). You'll be fine. Tommy's just being Tommy." 

John eyes softened and he placed a soft kiss on the top of your head. You got out of the car and moved around Tommy to sit in the passenger seat. Tommy closed both doors.

John and Arthur reluctantly got out and moved aside as Tommy sat in the driver's seat. You could see John worrying his lip as they both watched as Tommy turned the ignition and drove you both down the road. 

He drove until the brothers were out of sight, and then took a turn that was opposite of your home.

"I have a hard time placing you, (Y/N)," Tommy said, breaking the silence. "There are times you're strong and about men's business. And in the next moment you're young. Too young."

"Why can't I be both?" You ask.

Tommy didn't answer, instead he looked off into the distance and nodded. 

"Why do you lock us all out of that head of yours?" You asked, knowing you wouldn't get a true answer. You passed a bridge and he slowed and moved to the side of the road and parked.

"I let someone clear out that which needs clearing out," he said stiffly, looking through his pockets for a cigarette. 

"I'm not talking about Lizzie," you said gently. He stilled for a moment before continuing his search for a match. You pulled the matchbox from earlier out of your clutch and lit one and held it out for him.

"Why do you two hate each other?" He asked as he leaned over to light the cigarette and returned his gaze to you as he inhaled the smoke.

"We don't," you said quickly. "Or at least I don't hate her. I think in a way," you said as you blew out the match and fidgeted, "we both know there's only so many spaces for women in the Blinders, and we're not Shelby, so we've only so many places to fit."

"Insightful," Tommy said more to himself than you, "but young."

"I'm not that much younger," you grumble as he opened his door. "John and Ada's age."

"Young enough," he said and stepped out of the car. "Let's sit by the water and talk."

You got out and numbly followed him to the waterside, feeling the cool night air on your skin. Tommy laid his coat down on the bank and motioned for you to sit. You both looked at the water in front of you. 

"You was awful cuddly with John tonight," he said finally. 

"You told us nothin' of what we was doing and I was leaning on  _ my friend  _ to help me," you retorted. "You also saw me put him in place when I thought he was crossing the line--"

"When did you stop trusting me, (Y/N)," Tommy interrupted crossly. "Because most of this night taught me you don't. The knife." 

He scoffed.

"Was used for its purpose when I _ was left behind _ ," you retorted, turning to him in anger. 

" _ Could have ruined us," _ he hissed. 

"Don't dangle me like a prize and I won't have to defend myself," you hissed back. "Maybe I stopped trusting you when  _ King Tommy  _ decided no one was smart enough to know his plans."

"Drop the king bit," he snapped. 

"Or what, Tommy?" You sneered. "You'll teach me my place? What is my place, Tommy, or do you not know yourself?"

"You are the most aggravating girl in bloody Birmingham," he said under his breath.

"Says the biggest  _ git _ \--" 

Tommy's hand swung around and grabbed your jaw forcefully and his whiskey-heavy lips crashed into yours before you could process. His kiss took every bit of air out of your lungs and you fought your head as you kissed him back hungrily. Your tongues fought each other for dominance as his grip on your jaw tightened and pushed you away. 

"What's your tattoo, (Y/N)?" He said testily as he looked you in the eye. 

"What's  _ this,  _ Tommy?" You snapped back defiantly. 

Tommy growled and let go of your chin with a jerk of his hand. 

"So fucking young," he growled. 

He stood up and dusted his pants off. 

"Let's get you home," he said finally. 

You glared up at him, watching him put his blank face on like armor. The window closed for seeing into Tommy Shelby's mind. 

"Sure, Tommy," you scowled. "Let's just pretend this never happened, too, eh? Like you haven't tasted my lips."

You stood up and stomped off to the car, slamming the door closed as you collapsed onto the passenger seat. You crossed your arms and looked over, gathering a terrible idea. 

You slid over and placed the shift between your knees like you had sat when Finn drove the day before. 

Tommy slowly made his way up the waterbank, new cigarette in his mouth as he opened the door and got in. He looked at you with a raised brow when your shoulder bumped with his, but quickly rolled his eyes and started the car. You looked forward out of the window, arms crossed, trying not to look at him as he grabbed the shift and slammed it to first gear. His hand stayed on the shift stick the entire painfully quiet ride to your home. Neither of you would fold. You could feel his eyes on you at times but you refused to look at him.

Tommy parked the car in front of your home and turned it off. You moved to get out of the car but Tommy's warm hand dropped from the shift to your thigh as he blew out a breath in frustration.

"I didn't like it," he growled as you froze. You refused to respond or turn to him.

"You was awful cuddly with John tonight and  _ I didn't like it, _ " he growled with a clenched jaw.

You looked down at your lap as he let go of your leg and you nodded tightly. You slowly leaned to the door and opened it, letting yourself out into the night and into your warm apartment. You didn't breathe until you locked the door behind you.


	4. Written In The Streets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy asks you to go with John to the Yard and prove that you can be a true Blinder.

It was midday and you were busy about the house when a knock came upon your door. You paused, listening hard before you moved toward it. You hadn't been expecting anyone. You paused at the door, staring hard at it before you finally unlocked it and opened it a crack. 

"Come with me," Tommy said as he grabbed your hand and pulled you out of the sliver in your doorway.

"Tommy," you shrieked and fought back but his grip on your wrist was too strong. "at least let me lock the door."

He looked back at you and loosened his grip wordlessly. You turned and grabbed your purse from the hallway and locked the door, turning back to Tommy. He grabbed your hand again, this time with less strength, and led you to his car.

The ride was quiet and thoughts raced through your head. You stole a glance at Tommy, white knuckled and eyes locked on the road ahead of him. You had no way of knowing where he was taking you and you grew more worried the longer it was quiet. You itched to relieve the tension, but you feared it at the same time.

Tommy stopped the car at the side of a bridge over The Cut and got out of the car, rounding it to open your door. He held his hand out for you and you took it without hesitation, stepping out of the car and following him down a set of stairs to the canal. He stopped you a few steps from the bottom and sat you down, looking off at the water, his hand still holding yours. You watched him closely as he nodded out to the canal.

"This," Tommy said as he looked over the water, "is where I come to think sometimes. When it's quiet. When my mind won't be."

You sat quiet, watching his blue eyes scan the horizon. You looked out into the canal, surveying the waterway and the bend up ahead with fresh eyes to try to see what he saw.

"And this," Tommy rumbled, "here, here is how I found you and John." 

Your head snapped up to look at him, Tommy's gaze squinting over the water. You ripped your hand from his as if he burnt you. He pointed to the bank a few hundred feet down and nodded. 

"You came running into the water there," he said evenly. "Harping at John to turn his back as you threw off your dress." 

Your cheeks burned in embarrassment. Your head dipped when Tommy finally turned his attention to you.

"Nothing to see in the 2 a.m. black," he said softly before returning his attention to the riverbank and the story. "John turned, I'm guessing. Perhaps not. Your clothes went off, and that's when I realized you were the one occupying our John's nights."

"Our John," you repeated with mirth. "Your John. Esme's John. Not mine."

"He's as much yours as ours," he said. "There's few things he'd choose above you. More he'd fight."

"But he would choose above me," you said.

"Can't have that, can you?" Tommy teased dryly. "Our (Y/N)'s greedy."

"Business before me," you said stiffly. "Blood before me. Not a woman."

"Not a woman," Tommy said. "And when the business keeps the man from your bed? And coppers or Italians pull you from your door because they think they can leverage you from who you're fucking?"

"That life I know," you said softly. "As long as he's honest."

"If you want to work in my organization, you have to make sacrifices," he said. 

"All I've made is sacrifices," you retorted with a snort. "Who wants to date a Blinders girl, Tommy? There's always been rumors I'm either carrying a dick or being passed around by you lot. Any men that weren't deterred by that were sure as hell scared of you boys." 

"Well," he said with an amused look, "could always have left Polly's rule for search for a husband, if that's what you're after."

"I'm not after a husband, Tommy," you shot back. "My mother detests me I have no close kin, no husband, no love. Blinders are my life." 

Tommy reached for your hand again and slowly brushed his thumb along your knuckle. 

"You're family, (Y/N)," Tommy said quietly. 

"I'm not Shelby," you said. "You may be my boys but I don't belong."

"You'll always belong with us," Tommy said. "It's all about where you want to be."

"And where is it you want me to be, Tommy?" You asked softly.

Tommy let go of your hand with a pat and looked back out to the canal. All moments of softness hidden behind an air of business.

"I want to see what you're made of," he said. "I've paired you with John. Tomorrow you'll go with him to The Yard. Got a man named Wilks that works for us. Word is he's got loose lips on the whiskey. Find out who he told what to."

"You trust me with John?" You said with a raised brow.

"I trust that what's done might be done again," he said evenly. "But I trust he'll watch out for you more than anyone but me."

"Tommy--" you started.

"Go see him in the morning and do the job," Tommy cut you off. "To prove yourself."

"I've already proven myself," you argued. "Years ago."

"You proved yourself to Pol, not me," Tommy said cooly. "Pol's not running things anymore. And if you want to keep your place you'll need to keep up." 

"Fine, Tommy," you said with a sigh as you turned back to the canal. "I'll show you my worth."

"I've no doubt you will," he said as he looked over the water. 

\----

The next morning you got ready in the twilight. You decided on a simple dress and boots and stuffed your pockets with a small knife each. You cursed yourself that you never got around to a gun, but you had never found a good way to conceal one and your shot needed work. 

When you were done, you slipped out of your apartment and headed toward John's home. You moved quickly through the streets as the sun rose and the birds started to sing their morning songs. After a few blocks, you looked up to John's house and took a deep breath before knocking on the door. 

A young girl opened the door and looked up at you expectantly. You nervously smiled. 

"'lo," you said, rubbing your sweaty hands along the front of your dress, "is John -- erhm your dad home?"

The girl eyed you shortly before opening the door the rest of the way and walking back to a seat next to a baby in a chair. Nothing was said as she went back to feeding the baby.

"John," you called, hesitating in the doorway before you walked in. "Where are you?"

Kids were all over the kitchen. One of the girls was perched on a stool cooking on the stove, two boys were wrestling on the floor yelling, and of course the baby being fed by the girl that let you in. None of them paid you much mind as you walked through the kitchen and into the other room. You saw a closed door, guessing it was a bedroom.

"John" you yelled and kicked the door with your boot. It gave way much easier than you expected and swung open to reveal the sight before you. 

Esme was on top of John, riding him like a prized racehorse. She barely stopped her rhythm as she wrapped the sheet around her more to hide her chest. John lay back grinning with his hands disappeared into the sheet. He laughed as she saw you in the doorway.

"Tommy finally get tired of interrupting us hisself?" Esme said in between breaths. 

Your eyes widened as you realized what you were witnessing. 

"Oh god--" you exclaimed and turned back around, walking back into the kitchen. 

You sat down on the other side of the table from the kids and waited, mouth shut as you tried to look anywhere but the doorway you came from. 

A sharp yell of passion erupted from the other room and you bit your lip nervously as you watched the girl at the stove. 

"You staying for breakfast?" The girl said, eyeing you as she stirred. You smiled nervously. 

"No thank you," you said quietly. "I'm just here to see your father."

Esme appeared in the doorway, still flushed but dressed in a navy flowy dress and shawl, and looked at you with an amused quirk of her lips. 

"Here to see John, eh?" She said over the scuffle on the floor as she wrapped the shawl around her shoulders tighter and sat next to the girl feeding the baby. 

"Boys, go wrestle elsewhere," Esme said sharply. 

They both sounded a "yes mum" as they got off the floor and pushed and shoved each other into the other room. 

"Yes," you said as the kitchen quieted. "Tommy sent me. I'm (Y/N). I'm s'pose to go with John to handle business at the dock."

"(Y/N)," Esme said as she looked at you. "His little friend from childhood? I've heard of you. Prettier than I expected, running with Shelby boys for so long."

You blushed and ducked your head with a murmur of thanks. 

"You're not one I should worry about, are you?" She said, leaning back in her chair and placing a hand on the table in front of her.

"No," you said with a laugh. "I'm not anyone's second priority. And you and the children are rightfully first." 

"Good," Esme said with a small smile. "I think I like you. It'd be a shame to kill you." 

"Knives or guns your specialty?" You asked with a grin. "You should have seen this man the other night when I threatened to cut off his balls."

You both laughed, equally relaxing in your seats.

"Is that my favorite girls getting along?" John said as he entered the kitchen while putting on his belt. 

John grinned at you as he put his arm around Esme, placing a kiss on her head. 

"Mornings are best when started with sex or breakfast," he laughed as he kissed Esme on the lips before turning to you. "When it's both it's better."

He nabbed a biscuit off the table and bit into it and winked at you.

"Shame you've been keeping us apart, John," you said with a look. "Esme and I could have been giving you a run for ages."

"Likely drive me mad," he said with a laugh. "Both of you on whiskey together would be more trouble than it's worth."

"Promise?" Esme said grinning. "We must have a night then, (Y/N)."

You nodded as John rolled his eyes. 

"Right, then," he said, ruffling his daughter's hair and giving Esme another kiss. "Let's be off before you can make more trouble in my kitchen."

You scoffed with a laugh as he shooed you to stand and pushed you out the door. 

"Nice to meet you!" You called behind you.

"You can't hide her anymore, John," Esme yelled as you both left. 

John guided you down to the car and opened the door for you. You smacked him as you climbed in. 

"What was that for?" He exclaimed and pushed your shoulder before he closed your door and made his way into the driver's seat. 

"I like her," you said. "And you're a dick." 

John chuckled and drove to the dock. 

\----

John drove to The Yard and parked. You both got out of the car and made your way through the streets looking for the man named Wilks. 

"John boy!" A voice boomed. You both looked over to see a gruff older man with a big smile headed your way with open arms. 

"Uncle Charlie," John called back as he hugged the man. 

"I see you've got angel with you," Charlie said with a grin. 

You grinned back as Charlie let go of John to hug you. 

"Charlie," you said, "still up to no good?"

You both chuckled and John looked on at you quizzically. Charlie's arm hung around your shoulders as he faced John.

"Angel?" John asked. "You two know each other?"

"Your aunt Pol used to send this one down with orders," Charlie said, squeezing you in a side hug. "She refused to tell me her name for ages. Shy thing, she was. I told her angels had no names. So we all called her angel at the docks. Sweet thing she is, too sweet to run with you boys."

John's brows raised in shock. 

"Well aren't you full of surprises," he said as he grabbed a pick from his pocket and rolled it in his mouth. "You've got all kinds of names and secrets, it sounds like."

"And you're shortly learning them all," you grimaced. You turned your attention to Charlie. "We're looking for a man named Wilks, seen him?"

"Aye," Charlie said, watching you both closely before pointing. "He's down there by the dock."

"Right," John said. "We'll need to talk to him alone. Send the rest on break."

Charlie nodded and you all walked down, Charlie quietly sending the others away as he discreetly nodded to a pudgy man near the edge of the water. You both cornered the man, his eyes widened as he backed up and his heel teetered on the edge of the dock. You raised your hands to halt him. 

"We're only here to talk," you reassured with a smile. "Heard you might have gotten a little drunk at a pub. Told someone something you shouldn't."

"I didn't mean to," he said looking between you and John's stone faced expression. "Was just a drink or two and then he asked me a question I found odd." 

"Who?" You asked in a soothing voice, hands still up as you stepped forward. "Did you know the man?"

John watched you with sharp eyes as you got closer to Wilks as if walking to a scared horse. He chewed on his pick, letting you do the talking. 

"I didn't know them," he said, scared. "Just a man asking what it was like to work at docks. If we had any openings. If we moved anything odd. Anything to note."

"And what did you tell them?" John said, taking a step forward but still a good length behind you. You were nearly next to the man as his eyes darted between you both and behind him as he looked for an exit. 

"I told him we move the normal stuff," he said gruffly, "and sometimes we move what Shelby's ask. He perked up at the name. Said it must be exciting to work for criminals. Must see some crazy cargo. I shrugged. Just told him sometimes you have shipments. Anything from guns to medical rations. Told him a shipment went to Camden Town not too long ago."

"Shouldn't have done that, Wilks," John said darkly as he took another step forward. "We don't take kindly to business being passed around." 

"I didn't do nothin'," Wilks protested. "I've got a wife and kids to feed." 

"Should have thought of that before you went talking," John said. 

Wilks grabbed your wrist and swung your body around, his calloused hand gripping your throat and the other around your waist. John cut the distance in a stride and stopped as Wilks lifted you by the throat, pressing your back to his chest.

"I don't want no trouble," he said, eyes darting for an exit. "Let me go home."

Your hands flew to your throat and your feet kicked as he lifted you higher. You could barely breathe in through his grip.

"Shouldn't have done that," John said with a glint in his eye. He pulled out his pistol and aimed it at him.

"Shouldn't have brought a girl for a man's job," Wilks growled in your ear as he squeezed your throat tighter. 

John's eyes were dark as he tried to aim at the man behind you. His face cycled between fear and anger as you realized he wouldn't have a good shot with Wilks holding you so close.

You gritted your teeth and kicked again. You felt your heel connect with his shin and he squeezed your throat harder as he roared. You dropped a hand from your throat and elbowed his chest as you thrashed in his hands. You clumsily made way to your pockets and pulled out a knife as your eyesight started to blacken. John lowered his pistol as you pulled back and stabbed Wilks in the thigh, making the man drop you. 

You stepped out of his reach and John raged forward with his fist cocked back. John's fist connected with Wilks' face with a crack and the man fell to the ground. John continued pummeling the man as he writhed on the ground, your knife still in his thigh. 

You touched your neck, feeling the bruising that was likely to occur. You breathed deep, feeling the oxygen rush through you as you tried to stay conscious. As oxygen came back you turned back to John beating the man and grabbed John's arm as he cocked it back to hit Wilks' face again. 

As you grabbed his arm, he twisted in your grip and was about to punch you when he realized who you were and stopped himself. Wilks was beneath his feet in a bloody pile, his face almost indistinguishable. John's eyes met yours as you held his arm and looked at the blood that had spattered on his face and the wild look in his blue eyes. 

"John," you said hoarsely. Your throat was scratchy from being choked. 

His eyes softened and he pulled you to his chest. 

"Don't fucking scare me like that, yeah?" He whispered into your hair as you clung to him.

"I'm fine," you said. "But we need him alive to ask, yeah?" 

John let out a sigh as he deflated. 

"Yeah," he said. 

You pulled away and looked at his blue eyes worrying over you. You patted his arm and stepped out of his embrace to lean over the half conscious man under his feet. 

"Wilks," you said with a low growl. "Who did you tell?"

Wilks cried out as John kicked his ribs, finally stepping to the side so he wasn't under his feet. 

"I don't know," he said, screaming as you grabbed your knife from his thigh and pulled it out. "I didn't know the man. He had longer hair maybe? An odd accent. I'd never seen him before, I swear." 

You scowled at him, wiping his blood off of your knife with his vest. You pressed the knife under his throat. 

"Are you sure?" You growled. 

"Sounds like it could have been an Italian," John said as he spit on the man. "Maybe a Jew."

"I don't know," he cried. "Please."

You pulled your knife away and hid it back into your pocket. You looked up at John as he glared down at Wilks. 

"Your call, Shelby," you said, voice still hoarse. 

"I'll kill him," he said, kicking the man again. 

"No," you said. 

John scowled down at you, his jaw ticked as he was about to talk. 

"I'll do it," you said, sounding stronger than you felt. "This is meant to be my proofing water." 

John started again to fight you, but you raised a hand while you fished your knife out. Wilks started to thrash beneath you and John stepped on his chest to hold him still. John's eyes looked conflicted as you pulled the knife out of your pocket again and ran a finger along the blade.

You had hurt men before, but you had never killed. Most of your experience was from self defense. Tommy wanted to prove yourself, so prove yourself you shall. 

"You don't have to," John said defeated. "I'll tell Tommy you did it. You don't have to."

"No, John," you said solemnly. "I do. You aren't saving me from it. This is mine." 

You turned to Wilks and cut his throat in a swift motion. Blood poured from his neck as the light left his eyes. You stood up and stepped back as John kicked Wilks into the water. You watched numbly, knife still at your side. 

"Hey," John said as he turned around and rested his hand on your cheek. "Is'aright. Come here." 

He pulled you into his chest and you teared up but fought the urge to cry. You gulped it down, feeling the pain in your neck again. 

"John," you whispered. 

He pulled back to look you in the eye, one hand on your cheek and the other on your waist. 

"Let's get you back to your wife, yeah?" You said as you tried to feign a smile. 

You rested your hand on his chest before gently pushing him away. 

"Yeah, (Y/N)," John sighed. "Okay."

The ride back was quiet. You looked straight ahead as John drove, even though you could feel his eyes on you from time to time. When he offered to drive you home, you declined, telling him you'd rather walk from his home. 

You hugged him goodbye when you arrived at his home, and breathed deep the smell of him. He always smelled of gunpowder and pine, and you breathed it in deeply to comfort yourself. You said your goodbyes despite his worried expression, and walked down the road in a daze. You weren't ready to go home just yet. 

You stopped at a local bakery and bought a small piece of bread and walked to The Cut. You sat on Tommy's thinking place stairs and looked out over the canal, thinking. You sat for hours in a daze, eating bread and trying to process your thoughts. As twilight began to tease the sky, you snapped out of your thoughts. You needed to get home. 

You walked to your apartment and at the last minute you were grabbed by your neighbor. Gail was an older neighbor that always treated you kindly. You often brought her teas when you found a new flavor she might like. 

"Men came through asking where you were," Gail said in hushed tones. "They claimed to be coppers. They're in your apartment waiting for you now." 

You thanked her and left quickly back into the streets. It was now dark and getting colder by the moment. There was only one place you could think to go, so you walked to Tommy's house. You snuck in to sit on his bed and waited for him to arrive home for the night.


	5. Poison On My Lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You spend a night with Tommy Shelby.

You sat quietly in the dimming light at the foot of Tommy's small bed, looking around at the weathered striped wallpaper and the sparse decorations. You had made sure to sit far enough down so no one could see you unless they entered the room. Your hand grazed the plaid wool blanket on the bed and you took note of the wooden chair beside the nightstand next to the head of the bed to your right. 

You knew he had recently bought Polly her own house, and Ada one in London to raise her son in after Freddy's death, but he hadn't gotten around to himself just yet. Arthur and Finn still lived in the house with him, so it wasn't empty, but it was far less filled than it was before.

It was a nice enough room, but it was easy to see that Tommy barely spent time in it. This was where he went to sleep and nothing much else. He had made sure to make his bed before he left the room, likely a leftover instinct from the military. The wall across from the head of the bed was empty with remnants of the wallpaper that was stripped off, like he had hastily removed it in the night. 

There were no images of women, no books laying about, no photos, nothing to suggest he ever spent time in the room. Just a little nightstand with one drawer. A bottle of whiskey, a glass, a half used candle and an ashtray cluttered the top. You eyed the drawer, noticing that it was barely open. 

Curiosity got the better of you and you leaned over and opened the drawer the rest of the way. Small bags of brown rocks, odd utensils, and a large pipe littered the inside. Now you understood why the candle was there if he didn't spend time awake in his room. 

At that moment, you heard the door downstairs open. You moved back to your spot at the foot of his bed, but left the drawer as it was. You jumped as a loud crash erupted downstairs then sat frozen as you listened for more noise, praying that whoever was searching for you had not ventured to wreck Tommy's house next. 

Footsteps echoed on the creaky stairs and Tommy walked into his room without hesitation. He stopped beside the wooden chair as he noticed your dark form at the edge of his bed and he stilled. The silence was deafening.

"(Y/N)?" Tommy said in a soft voice. 

"S'the only place I could think," you answered hoarsely. 

You looked up at Tommy, the only light dim behind him. You realized that you couldn't see any of his features, but had known him by silhouette alone. 

"My neighbor stopped me," you continued. "Told me men claiming to be coppers were waiting in my home."

"Campbell," Tommy growled before he leaned over and lit a match to light the candle on his nightstand. Soft light illuminated the hard angles of his face as he straightened back up. 

The shadows cast dark bruises along his face that reminded you of a few weeks back when he had returned after claiming to be in London and had held business in Camden Town. 

"A boy came to us yelling about coppers flipping the Peaky girl's home," Tommy said finally, pulling a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it with the candle before sitting next to you in the bed. "We've had everyone looking for you on the streets for hours."

"After killing a man, I went walking," you said lightly, but the words were bricks in your gut. "Decided to do some thinking, so I borrowed your spot."

"John told me," Tommy said gravely, inhaling his cigarette. "I didn't mean that for you, (Y/N). I didn't."

"You wanted proof,  _ King Tommy _ ," you said, steadily growing in hysterics. "Blood on my hands is the best sort."

"They weren't there for the death," Tommy said. "They were there because you're too close to me."

"For the murder," you corrected. 

"For the murder," Tommy said softly. "Your throat. Does it hurt? John said Wilks lifted you up by it. Gave us a scare."

"Pretty sure I'm bruised," you said, numbly reaching for Tommy's cigarette and wrapping your lips around it. 

Tommy watched but did not react. You inhaled and the harsh smoke burned your lungs. You choked, realizing you never took up smoking because you never learned to inhale. You did it again, choking on the smoke but also feeling a bit calmer. He hesitantly reached for his cigarette and brought it back to his own lips to take a long inhale.

"John said he couldn't get a good shot, so you stabbed Wilks in the leg to drop you," Tommy said, a twinge of amusement in his voice as he blew the smoke above your heads.

"Rather that than John take my head off," you said as a small smile creeped onto your face. 

"You and fucking knives," Tommy said playfully and nudged your shoulder. "Where'd you pick that up?"

"Learned a few things from Pol during the war before she sent me out running errands," you said. "Took to knives over guns. Smaller and quieter. Easy in a pinch."

Tommy hummed, finished off his cigarette and snuffed it in the ashtray. He leaned on you a moment. 

"Am I ever going to know that tattoo on your shoulder?" He asked. 

"John hasn't cracked yet?" You laughed. 

"Smug bastard won't stop taunting," Tommy said as he joined you. 

It had been so long since you heard him actually laugh instead of chuckle. It warmed your otherwise numb heart.

"Sounds like John," you said. "You'd think he'd never seen a tattoo before."

"Not on a woman," Tommy said, meeting your gaze. "Not on you."

"Shelby's aren't the only ones that can sneak," you said slyly. 

"None of that answers me," Tommy said. 

You looked down at your hands in your lap and bit your lip. Tommy softly touched the side of your neck, giving you chills. 

"Lights too low to look at the bruises tonight," he said. "Least so in this light."

"Tommy," you whispered. "If we're asking questions tonight, why do you smoke?"

His eyes narrowed at you as his hand rescinded. 

"Been smoking cigarettes most of my life at this point, (Y/N)," he said lightly, but a low currant of warning hid beneath.

"Not cigarettes," you said softly as you leaned over his lap to pick up his pipe from the drawer.

He watched you sharply but did not stop you. You ran your hand along the long pipe, looking down at it as you hovered over his lap and thought of the drugs within his nightstand. 

"Have you ever taken it with someone?" You asked shyly. 

"It's just to sleep," he whispered, shooing you gently from the drawer before closing it. "It helps with the memories."

You reluctantly sat up, the pipe now in your lap.

"What if I were to take it?" You asked quietly. "With you?"

"(Y/N)," Tommy said as he reached for the pipe but you held it away from him. "You don't need it. I won't let John or Arthur take it. It's not good. Why should I give it to you freely?"

"I'm asking you," you said simply. "Is that not enough?"

Tommy looked at you for a long moment, assessing you. 

"I killed a man today, Tommy," your voice cracked. "Can you be soft with me, just this once? Just tonight?" 

He eyed you frozen to his spot as he wetted his lips. He exhaled and ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes for a beat before looking back to you. His eyes were rounded and his shoulders dipped. He reached for the pipe with an exhale. This time, you let him take it. 

"This doesn't close the door on any of it," Tommy said, although you weren't sure if it was to you or himself. "This won't fix the thoughts. Only runs the shadows off for a night."

You nodded slowly as he leaned back to the drawer and started readying the pipe. You watched his intent expression as he started his ritual. Tommy blocked you out --blocked the world out-- and the only thing important was right there in his lap. 

As he started putting everything away, and the pipe was ready for fire in his lap, he finally looked up at you and hesitated. 

"Just--" he started. "Let me lead. It'll make you relax. You'll have to trust me."

"I've always trusted you, Tommy," you said.

He nodded, picked up the pipe and placed it over the candle and watched intently. He took it off and settled his lips over the opening, inhaling deeply. You watched him hold the smoke for a moment before he leaned his head back and blew it out. 

You watched him visibly soften in front of you. His face slacked as he watched the smoke above him disappear. His shoulders completely rounded as the invisible rod in his back released. He leaned down for another inhale. 

This time, he seemed to remember you were beside him. He held the smoke in his mouth and placed his pointer finger under your chin and guided your face closer to his. Butterflies fluttered in your chest but you let him guide you so close you were nearly touching lips. 

You looked from his lips to his eyes, your lips slacked as his hand circled your jaw and pressed his fingers into the sides of your face until you opened your mouth slightly wider. He exhaled the smoke directly into your mouth and you inhaled his breath instinctually, feeling the smoke enter your lungs and spread a warmth through your body faster than any whiskey ever had. He let your chin go and you closed your eyes.

You understood why people liked it immediately. You felt it go straight through your body and you let it, all of your thoughts and tensed muscles fading into the haze. You floated. You felt Tommy shuffle beside you and heard him inhale one more time before you felt his hand on your neck. You heard the pipe rest on the nightstand with a gentle clang. He pulled you toward him by your neck and you kissed him as he exhaled into your lungs again and you breathed him in. 

His lips were plush against yours and he didn't stop you from kissing him like you thought he would. In fact, he pulled you closer. The smoke creeped out of the corners of your mouths as you turned your body to face him and melted into his touch. His hand stayed on the back of your neck as the other caressed your jaw with his thumb. After a long moment, he pulled back and held you away from following him. 

You opened your eyes, watching the stillness of his face as he opened his eyes to watch you half-lidded. 

"Right," he whispered, wetting his lips. "You should be feeling--"

"Very good, yes," you interrupted, pushing against his hold to kiss him again. 

The feeling of his skin on yours was electric. The haze around you made the contact feel so much more.

"(Y/N)," Tommy said as he half-heartedly tried to hold you back but you pushed again and kissed him. 

You felt Tommy growl into your kiss and you shuddered, hand rising to meet his face. He kissed you back forcefully, and you moaned into his mouth. He immediately ripped you away. Your eyes snapped open to see a very frustrated Tommy.

"(Y/N)," he warned, "A man's only got so much self control."

"You're not a man," you laughed, a smirk on your lips. "They call you the Peaky devil."

"Read somewhere that  _ well fed devils behave better than famished saints _ ," he said as he smirked back at you and released his hold. 

You both watched each other for a long moment until your confidence started to fall. 

"Are you well fed, Tommy?" You whispered, leaning back from him and running a hand through your hair. 

"I'm fucking starving is what I am," he said in a breath and grabbed you around the waist to pull you to him, flipping you onto your back on the bed to press you down into the blankets as he devoured you. 

Your teeth hit his when you collided, but it didn't slow either of you down. His hands immediately began roaming, groping and pulling at you. You squirmed, overwhelmed by the contact as you kissed him in hopes to be completely consumed by him. 

He pulled away and watched you, drinking in what you looked like beneath him, hair disheveled, lips swelled pink, and eyes hazy in the dim candlelight. 

"You could ruin me," Tommy said softly as he tumbled to your side in the small bed. He rubbed his face with a sigh.

"I'm just a foot soldier," you said. 

"Be soft, you said," he whispered as he exhaled a short breath, eyes still covered, "I stopped seeing Lizzie, (Y/N), after the party--"

"Tommy, I--" you interrupted as you turned to him. 

"I know you're closest with John--"

_ "Tommy--" _

"And you ran with him before I told you about Esme--"

**"Tommy--"**

"And I'm older than you--"

"I'm a virgin, Tommy," you frustratedly spat out before he could stop you. "I didn't sleep with John, because I haven't slept with anyone."

"You didn't--" he started as he dropped his hands and rolled to face you.

"No," you huffed, arms instinctively hugging yourself, "When the war came, the men left. Those that stayed were old, young, or not interested in a Shelby cast off."

"But none of us--"

"There were rumors, Thomas," you said with a sniff, "That was enough."

"Don't call me that," he pleaded. 

He reached for your cheek and you flinched. He hesitated but reached out for you again.

"Tommy sings from your lips," he said, running his thumb over your lips. "Thomas is a curse."

You kissed his thumb before he parted your lips and you grazed your tongue along it. You locked eyes with him and watched his eyes ignite as he looked at you beneath him. 

"Not tonight, love," he whispered. "Not with the opium muddling your thoughts."

"You muddle my thoughts," you shot back with a sigh. "Fine, then better pour the whiskey."

Tommy smiled.

"That, I can do," he said. 

\----

Tommy had to go find another candle once the candle on the nightstand burned low. He came back with a couple of them, lighting them all to make a bit more light in the room as you both shared the glass to drink the whiskey. Tommy smoked a bit more opium once the haze faded away as the night went on. He kissed the smoke into your lungs to share his high.

The night felt absolutely invincible. The only people in the world were you two in his room. No cares, no thoughts, only there. Only then.

You both laughed and chatted on the bed, bantering back and forth along the way. You had somehow moved to a position of Tommy sitting on the bed, his back to the headboard, and you between his legs cuddled into his chest. You both were facing his bare wall and he had wrapped his arms around you to whisper something playfully in your ear when you had reached up to cup his face in your hand. 

"Tommy," you giggled, looking at the wall in front of you. "What happened to the wallpaper? It looks like you ripped it down."

Tommy rested his chin on your shoulder as he hummed. 

"I did rip it down," he said as he quieted, staring at the wall closely as he hugged you to him tighter. "Some nights I hear them digging. It was so loud one night I had to be sure."

"Is that why you do it?" You asked. "Why you smoke?"

Tommy hummed in agreement before he kissed your cheek. 

"It doesn't always work," he said softly. "But it's been quiet with you here."

You looked ahead at the wall and tried to imagine what Tommy heard, the digging and clinking noises of metal on rock. The fear. You shuddered.

"None of that now," Tommy whispered into your ear, giving you new chills for an entirely different reason. 

A comfortable silence passed between you. 

"I should make a bed," Tommy said, cutting the quiet. "Downstairs. You'll take this one. I'll get you one of my shirts to sleep in."

"Don't leave me, Tommy," you said, gripping his arm as he nudged you to sit up. "Not tonight."

Tommy sighed as he leaned you back against him. 

"You're bloody stubborn," he mused.

"I'd still like that shirt," you answered playfully. "Maybe you'd glimpse my tattoo in the process. As a reward."

"You'd test the devil himself," Tommy breathed. 

"What do you think I'm doing now?" You teased, leaning forward and glancing over your shoulder at your zipper. 

Tommy raised a brow, his arms unwrapping around you. He reached and slowly unzipped your dress, letting your skin peek through the opening. You slacked your shoulder and the dress fell down your arm, revealing a horse tattoo. Tommy's eyes were enraptured by your shoulder, his fingers shamelessly tracing over it. 

"Now I get it," he breathed before pressing his lips to the horse on your shoulder and closing his eyes. 

He nuzzled your bare shoulder and inhaled your scent before he kissed it again and leaned back. 

"I've one more," you said, "but it's a bit harder to show."

"Worried about modesty now?" Tommy teased, pulling you back into his chest as he buried his face into your hair. 

"You tell me not to test you, and then you beg for testing," you laugh. "Which is it?"

Tommy let you go with a laugh, arms wide away from you. 

"I'll not touch you unless you want it," he said as he watched you sit up and turn around to face him. "How about that?" 

"Show me your tattoos first," you said shyly. "I know you have them."

"I've just the one," he said as his hands dropped and he pulled his shirt off, throwing it in his lap before his hands returned outstretched to his sides. 

You eyed the sun on his chest. You squirmed in your seat with the urge to touch it. You finally gave in, hesitantly reaching out and running your fingers over it. Tommy watched you and smiled. 

"And yours?" He said with a raised eyebrow. 

You looked up through your eyelashes at him and hesitated before you mustered up your courage and dropped the front of your dress and slip. 

Tommy's eyes widened as he saw your breasts, and his eyes narrowed when he realized in between them on your breastbone was a tattoo of a bullet. You both froze for a moment, and you became more self conscious as time passed. You reached for his shirt in front of you, slipping it over your head as you stood off the bed to step out of your dress. 

"I knew this was a bad idea," you muttered as you paced. "I'll go sleep downstairs. I'll --"

"(Y/N)," Tommy said and stood from the bed and grabbed your wrist. "Listen to me." 

"No that was--"

"Why do you have a bullet with your own name on it on your chest?" Tommy said quietly as he pulled you into him. 

"Because no one's allowed to break my heart but me," you said fiercely as you looked into his eyes.

He smiled before he kissed you softly. You immediately melted into him. 

"It's stupid," you whispered as you pulled away, losing steam. "Stupid thoughts of a stupid girl." 

"No," Tommy rumbled. "It's a good reminder. I'm glad I know it. It's fresh."

"Just healed," you laughed mirthlessly before looking down to the floor. Anything to get away from his blue eyes.

Silence. Tommy touched your shoulder before he cupped your cheek. 

"Let's be off to bed, then, yeah?" He said softly. 

"Yeah," you sounded.

\----

Finn burst through the door at first light, making you both jump. Tommy held you to his chest as he reached for the nightstand.

"Tommy Tommy we still haven't found (Y/N)--" Finn started before skidding to a halt right in front of the bed. He eyed you clinging to Tommy's bare chest, Tommy's hand around your bare back. At some point in the night, you had overheated and thrown off Tommy's shirt but continued to cuddle with him, enjoying the skin contact. The high and the whiskey had made touch all the more enjoyable in the haze of your mind.

"Fuck off, Finn," Tommy said as he grabbed the ashtray on the nightstand, arm still holding you to his chest. 

"Why've we been searching all night if she's here?" Finn cried. 

"FUCK OFF, FINN," Tommy yelled and threw the ashtray at Finn's head, narrowly missing the teen as he ducked out of the room. 

You heard Finn huff on the stairs. 

"Oy, (Y/N)'s with Tommy upstairs," he yelled, presumably to the other brothers. 

"'Fuck off, Finn.' No one ever fucking respects me," he huffed loudly as he stomped down the stairs. 

Tommy held you in his arms, kissing the top of your head as you both chuckled. You hid your face in his chest and basked in the stillness for a moment. 

"Tommy," you said, raising your head from his chest to look into his eyes, "we should go downstairs to meet them. Tell them the search is over." 

His arm pressed you to him and he caressed your cheek for a moment. 

"I suppose you're right," he sighed softly.

You rolled off of him to let him swing his legs out of bed. You clung the sheets to your breasts as he went to his dresser and grabbed some clothes. 

"Here," Tommy said, throwing you a button up shirt and a pair of britches, "You can wear these home. Better than last night's dress."

You smiled, gathering the clothes and scooting out of bed to put them on. You swam in his clothing, but it smelled of him. You gathered your dress and folded it, holding it in front of you as Tommy touched your face and gave you one last kiss before leading you downstairs. You could feel his walls rebuilding with every step. He would be Thomas Shelby, leader of the Peaky Blinders, by the time he reached the bottom. Your night of being soft was done.

You both stopped at the foot of the stairs to see all three brothers about the kitchen area. Arthur and Finn were sitting at the table, and John looked like he had been pacing. You noticed the table was bare, but things were strewn across the floor. That must have been the noise before Tommy walked upstairs last night.

"(Y/N) was here when I arrived home," Tommy said, looking to each of his brothers. "She was in no condition to be left alone, so I didn't put out the call to stop the search."

"Of course you didn't, Tom," Arthur said through gritted teeth. 

"Looked to be naked when I walked in," Finn mouthed. 

"Finn, shut up," Arthur chastised.

"Is that how it is?" John said, pacing with his head down. 

"You might've seen the horse," Tommy taunted, "but I bet you never saw the other one. Not in that dark water late at night."

John flew at you both. He was across the room in a stride.

"We were looking all night!" John bellowed as he raised his fist and cracked Tommy's jaw, making him fall to the ground.

You immediately dropped to your knees with a shriek to see to Tommy, who looked up at John in shock as his tongue licked blood from his teeth. Your head whipped between the two men. They shared a look that you couldn't decipher. John looked at you broken before he shot Tommy a venomous glare and pointed at him. 

"Again, Tommy?" He said as his voice cracked and he lost steam. " _A-fucking-gain_?"

John stormed out of the house and slammed the door. Finn raised out of his seat to chase after him, but Arthur pulled him back down. 

"It's not for you to go after him," Arthur said as he looked over to you both pointedly. 

"Let him go," Tommy said, working his jaw. "Let him cool off first."


	6. Reckless Tongue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You talk to John and get taken by surprise.

"Someone give me their hat and coat," you raised a brow as you extended your hand out for someone to fill, "I'm going to go have a talk with our John boy."

"He's my brother, I'll go," Tommy said as he stood up, still working his jaw in his hand. His hand went directly to the small of your back as he tried to direct you to sit at the table, but you stood like stone.

"You both rile each other up," you said as you shot him a look before shaking your extended hand. "Coat. Hat. Now."

"Finn, give her your things," Arthur said as he looked up at Tommy. "I think we need a family meeting."

Finn begrudgingly handed you his hat and coat. You scooped your hair up and stuffed it into the cap before putting the coat on and buttoning it, letting the extra fabric of Tommy's clothes pad you so you lost your curves. If you walked fast and kept your head down, maybe no one would question the feminine shape of your face.

"I'll send John after our talk," you said sharply, cutting Tommy off from his retort to Arthur. "I'm getting tired of you boys. Work whatever this is out or I'll remove myself from the lot of you. I'm your friend. I'm a Peaky Blinder. Stop thinking with your cocks and let me be."

"Finn," Arthur said, his eyes rounded as he looked from Tommy to you, "go tell the boys to stop looking and return to business as usual."

Finn swayed on his feet as he looked around the room before he finally trudged toward the door. With a quick look over his shoulder, he slowly pulled the door open and slinked through. 

"If you want us to stop thinking with our cocks, you've got to stop batting those eyelashes, love," Arthur said, his hand smoothing his mustache down.

"Don't you dare blame me," you seethed. "I've not changed. I used to be able to run with you and taunt without a care. Now I've got to deal with your fragile egos and puffed chests if I say anything a way."

"You aren't a girl anymore," he said as he looked between you and Tommy, "and we're not boys. The game has changed, love."

"Sure act like boys," you shot, crossing your arms.

"You're loyal and you're trusted," Arthur said softly. "We don't get that much."

"Well then think of me as your bloody sister and move on," you said as you threw your hands down to your sides and stomped toward the door.

"(Y/N)," Tommy murmured as he grabbed your wrist and tugged you around to face him. "Keep your head down, yeah?"

He grabbed the collar of the coat and lifted it around your bruised neck. He pushed the cap back as he quickly kissed your forehead and then shoved the cap lower in a fluid motion that almost looked like he was just straightening your cap on. So quick and light that it almost was if it hadn't happened at all.

"Yeah," you said dazed and looked into his eyes but only saw your own confusion reflected back at you in his black face.

He patted your body, pushing the clothing that padded you to shape your form. 

"Are they gone from my flat?" You stepped back and shook him out of your head. Muddled from opium, indeed. He was stronger than any drug.

"They'll be gone but watching," Arthur answered. "They've checked the Garrison last night, too."

"They've got nothing on me, though, right?" You looked over to Arthur and walked toward the table. "Can't I just let them catch me? They'll have to let me go."

"They'll hold you for questioning," Tommy warned.

"That's no problem," you said, looking between the boys. "We don't talk to coppers."

A glint shone, his features awakening for just a moment before the wall came back, hiding any emotion he might have had. 

"Maybe you do," he said.

You looked between Tommy's blank stare and Arthur as he leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms as he pursed his lips. 

\----

You walked quickly on the cobblestone, hoping your boots didn't make too much racket and tip anyone off as to who you were. The morning was dull and grey and the sky threatened storms at any moment. You made no pretense of where you were headed and immediately went to The Garrison. 

You opened the door and went directly into the private room, closing the door behind you. 

"Harry," John said before he took one of the four shots in front of him, "leave the bottle and go. I'm not in the mood to talk."

John took another shot, eyes on the lineup in front of him the entire time. 

"I'd rather we talk before you get pissed off your head," you said, arms crossed as you look down at him. 

John rolled his eyes and took the last two shots before leaning back and putting his hands behind his head. 

"You know," he half-heartedly glared at you, "you nab Arthur and you'd get the whole set. Finn, too, if he's not too young for you."

"That's not fair and you know it," you said between your teeth as you slid into the booth next to him. "It's rich coming from the Shelby that kept kissing me even though he had a wife."

"You didn't seem to mind the kissin'."

"You didn't mention the wife," you spat, "or the baby."

John rubbed his face before smacking his hands into the table.

"Yeah, well," he said in a huff. "You didn't ask."

"John," you warned. "I know you think you know what's happened--"

"So Finn's a git and didn't walk in on you naked with Tommy, then?" 

John batted the empty shot glass between his two hands on the table and scowled down at it.

"Where's my fuckin' whiskey?" He muttered. 

"Oh for fucks sake," you slammed your hands on the table and stormed out of the room, stomping your way round the bar and grabbed a fifth of whiskey from the shelf. You swirled and stomped your way back, the handful of regulars and Harry watched in silence as you slammed the door to the private room behind you. 

"Here," you slammed the bottle onto the table and slid it to him before sitting back down. "Now why should I not have someone, eh?" You seethed. "Why should I be on the sidelines waiting for a married man, eh? A  _ happily  _ married man with a baby. Are only Shelby's allowed to do what they fucking please?"

John spun the lid off the bottle and chucked it at the door. The lid pinged around the room as he leaned back and took a long drink from the bottle before his face scrunched up as he swallowed.

"Piss off, John," you said as you crossed your arms. "You wanted fucking whiskey I wasn't going for your brand. Now tell me why it's fair."

"I fuckin' know it's not fair," he grumbled. "But it's  _ Tommy. _ You couldn't have jumped in bed with Isaiah or one of the younger boys?"

"And what would you have done then, John?" You shot back. "I don't think you would have been okay then, either. I thought we was friends. I thought we agreed to get past it and we were finding ways to stay friends. We've known each other too long to have a couple kisses ruin it."

"I thought I'd be fine," John sighed. "When you found someone. I love Esme. I'm happy," he paused for a beat before he shot you a look of warning, "Tommy's not known for making anyone but himself happy. And I guess… I guess I just liked the thought of you waiting. If Tommy is Tommy, you'll be gone. I like having you around palling like we was kids."

You grabbed the bottle from him with an exasperated hiss and took a swig of it. You let the alcohol burn your mouth as you held it there, eyes closed. You swallowed it slowly, feeling the burn travel down your throat and heat your stomach.

"You have to let me go, John," you said quietly, eyes still closed. "I let you go that night. I've been trying to find the new line between us. You've got to do the same. I miss my friend."

You opened your eyes and looked at John. His chin was tucked to his chest and his jaw flexed. He met your eyes and nodded shortly before grabbing the bottle and pressing it to his lips. 

"Just don't leave," he said quietly before taking a swig. "If Tommy… just don't leave."

You nudged him and quirked an eyebrow as you smiled softly.

"I've known you boys for most of my life," you said. "I'm the only girl to best Tommy Shelby yet."

The corner of his mouth curved as you nudged him again. He rolled his eyes and wrapped an arm around you. You easily leaned into him, wrapped your hand around his side and squeezed.

"Yeah, fine," he said begrudgingly. "But next time don't keep us out all night worrying, yeah? Esme's gonna take me head off when I get back and say I've been out all night because Tommy wanted you to hisself."

"You ever just want to be away, John? Just to hide from the world for a bit? I needed some time after yesterday."

"Yeah," John said sourly as he squeezed you, "and Tommy was all too happy to have it."

"Arthur wants you back at the house," you said, choosing to ignore him. "Shelby meeting."

"Are you going, what with wearing Finn's coat and Tommy's clothes?" John joked as he let you out of his grasp to get out of the booth. "Take Arthur's belt and my shoes and you'll be more Shelby than all of us."

"I've got to get my own clothes and get ready for work," you said as you rolled your eyes. "Life goes on and I can't be wearing this for my shift."

"It's a right warning to any wandering eye, innit?" He joked and stood up behind you. 

"There's enough warnings out there to keep me to you lot," you breathed as you opened the door. "Rumors and fear bound me long ago."

"Oh now," John laughed as you both walked into the general bar area. "We can't help if a proper man hasn't had the balls to scoop you up and take you away from us."

"Wouldn't want a proper man if he did," you laughed. "What am I to do with a proper man? Raise chickens?"

You both laughed and walked out of The Garrison and split paths to go on your ways, him back to Tommy's with the bottle in his hand and you to your flat. You crossed the street and immediately ran into a group of officers. You ducked your head down with your cap.

"Uh, sorry sirs," you said, dropping your voice as low as you could and clearing your throat. 

The closest officer squinted at you as the others grabbed you to push you off of him. 

"Watch it!" One yelled as they pushed you out of their group. 

One hit your cap and knocked it off of your head. Your hair splayed out down your shoulders and you picked up the cap and ran as they all shouted behind you. You darted in between people and ran as quickly as you could, finding alleyways and side streets to veer off into as you tried your best to lose them. A couple of them slowed down but others kept up with you through the streets and back alleys, you heard their feet beating the ground and their huffs as they ran. You turned a final corner, dipping into someone's yard and closing their garden gate behind you. You leaned against the tall gate, frozen as you heard footsteps stop for a moment and then a shuffling noise as more gathered on the other side of the gate. They squabbled among themselves before you heard footsteps run off. You waited a few moments, evening your breathing before you gathered your hair and put it back under the cap, straightened yourself and walked out of the gate. 

Two officers grabbed you by your arms and you yelled. A forceful blow hit the back of your head and you blacked out.

\----

You came back slowly, drifting back from the receding shores of unconsciousness. You tried to open your eyes but only saw black. You flexed your hands and realized they had been tied behind you. The world bumped and moved beneath you and a distant hum of an engine. You lulled your head with the steady movements and finally felt the bag they must have placed over your head scratch the back of your neck. You leaned and felt shoulders on either side of you that pushed you back when you touched them. They were moving you somewhere. 

You had no idea how long you were out or where you were, so you stayed still, hoping they thought you were still unconscious. If they didn't know you were awake, maybe you could learn something. 

You were dragged out of the vehicle roughly. You did your best to be dead weight and not make a sound as they manhandled you, dragging your legs across a rough terrain. You were plopped into a chair and your arms were cranked behind you and tied together. You dropped your head forward and listened to the men shuffle around you. 

"She used to work for me, apparently," a voice murmured in front of you. "Jack said she was a barmaid that quit the same night the Shelby's tore up my club. Said she left with one before the mayhem started."

From the few times you had heard it, it sounded like Sabini. 

"Odd timing," a gruff voice agreed. "Why don't you leave her with me and I'll get to the bottom of it, yeah? As a kind gesture among allies?"

"I'm quite capable of torturing a girl," Sabini sniffed.

"Right, but, the thing is," the voice said. "Shelby thinks we're friends, right? So if I talk to this girl, this woman, I might get more information from her and him, right, if I play nice and give him his little toy back. Women are weak things. You torture them too much and they up and die and no one learns nothin'. But if you play nice, the weak things sing like little birds, don't they?"

Silence thickened the air around you. You forgot to breathe for a moment as you waited for the answer.

"FUCKIN' LISTEN TO ME," the man bellowed. "Listen to me, mate. If you give me the girl, I'll get more information than you've dreamed. You'll have Tommy squirming in his seat like a little boy needing the loo. And then you can break him."

You had jumped at the rise in his voice, and then lulled your head slowly, pretending to wake up. You moved your shoulders and arms, testing the bonds that held you to the wooden chair, pretending to be in a daze as your mind raced. 

Someone yanked the bag off your head, blinding you with light. You focused your eyes in and out, trying to make sense of the room while you held your mouth slack and breathed through it as you lazily looked around.

"See what you did there?" A man said, squinting at you. "You had me wake her up, right? That's not very kind of you."

The man had a beard mixed with red and brown and dark hair peeking beneath his black hat. His eyes were dark but just as piercing as Tommy's, like he was evaluating every piece of you. His long black coat hung on his sides, open enough to see his white button up shirt and a hint of a vest. He walked away from Sabini, who scowled at you from his place near a stack of crates in the giant warehouse that surrounded you. Your eyes flickered from Sabini to the man who stood in front of you, who now leaned down to meet you at eye level. 

"What's a woman doing with the likes of the Peaky Blinders, yeah?" He asked as he steadied himself with his hands on his knees. "And what with bruises on your neck, too?"

"With who?" You said innocently, batting your eyelashes at the man. 

"Don't play coy with me, pet," the man said, looking between you and Sabini behind him. "My good friend Tommy Shelby doesn't keep women. He keeps whores and family."

He turned his eyes back on you. 

"Which are you, eh? You don't look like a Shelby."

You jutted your chin out and looked down at the man in front of you. 

"If you know  _ Thomas Shelby _ so well, shouldn't you already know?" You asked as you saw Sabini stamp his foot and turn away from you with a scoff. 

"The problem, sweetheart," the man said, running his hand through his beard as he looked you over, "is that you're awake a little too early, yeah? Maybe you should ponder upon yourself what to say to me when you wake up."

The man stood up and turned his back to you and walked toward Sabini. 

"Be gentle, yeah?" He called over his shoulder. "We don't hurt women unless it is justified. Shame she woke up."

A man's arm wrapped around your throat and squeezed off your airway. You kicked your feet out, scrambling to put your legs under you and move the man behind you from his hold. He squeezed tighter as you thrashed and black spots started to cloud your vision. 

"Right so, as I was saying," the man said, voice slowly getting farther away, "hand her to me and I'll take care of it, yeah."

Black took over your vision and your mind went blank. 

\----

You slowly came back, as if you floated right back into your body. The black dots that peppered your vision retreated as you sucked air in your mouth and back out, labored as it was. A hand patted your shoulder as the bearded man from before rounded you and sat in a wooden chair in front of you. 

"Right, well," he said, leaning back and rubbing his hands together, "with the Italian bastard gone, I'd like to ask a few questions, yeah? Like what's a girl," he waved at your outfit, "hiding herself in all this for? Who are you to our Tommy Shelby?"

He leaned forward and rested his elbow on his knee and smoothed his beard with his hand. You raised an eyebrow as you assessed the man who sat in front of you while his eyes dug into every piece of your skin. 

He wasn't Irish. Wasn't Italian. His fingers danced around as he talked, shining his numerous rings in your eyes so you could never exactly focus on any one thing. The man was smoke and mirrors that directed your vision elsewhere when he noticed you looked too long at one place.

"I wasn't raised to explain myself to strangers," you said evenly. "Who am I speaking with?"

He scoffed and leaned back as he licked his lips before he leaned forward, closer than before. 

"I," he said as he shook his hands between the both of you, "I am the bloody reason Sabini didn't gut you for being insolent, girl. I am your salvation."

"Never much believed in God," you said lightly, like you were commenting on the weather. "My name is (Y/N), not girl."

The man squinted at you, nodding as his jaw locked. His hands pulsed open and closed in rhythm of the thoughts flashing across his face. 

Finally, he leaned back and crossed his legs, his hands lacing together to rest upon his knee.

"Right then, (Y/N)," he said, anger radiating off of him like sweat rolling off a cold glass, "You can call me Alfie. Right, now that we aren't strangers, what's a woman doing running 'round Birmingham dressed in men's clothes?"

"Just thought a walk suited me," you said with a smile. 

You cheek stung as a loud crack echoed the warehouse and your head whirled to the side. Your ears rang as your head slumped to your chest and you felt Alfie's hands grip your shirt as he steadied you and pulled you forward until his lips were close to your ear. It wasn't until that moment you realized your hat and coat were gone.

"Right, sorry pet," he murmured, "I forgot I was talking to a lady for a moment. The clothes confused me, set me off a bit, yeah? Because I'd never hit a woman, those sweet, beautiful gifts from god, right, but I'd never allow a man to fucking lie so blatantly to me. So I ask again, man to man, right, since that's how you're dressed, who are you to Tommy Shelby?"

You gaped, sucking in air as the pain radiated through you. Alfie's fingers curled into your shirt, popping buttons as you pushed yourself to speak. 

"I'm just a Blinder," you gasped. "I just go where he needs. Women can more easily slip into places."

Alfie hummed and propped you back up to sit straight as he looked into your face with a squint. He let go and snapped at the men around you. 

"Nothing 'just' about it," he drawled before changing tones faster than a song on a record. "Let's get the lady a tea as we call our dear friend Tommy to pick up his Blinder girl, yeah? Ollie, go on and give Mr. Shelby a ring, right? Tell him I procured his pet from the Italians."

Alfie stood up, pulled one of your knives out of his pocket and danced it in his hands before he stepped behind you. You felt the binds loosen and you pulled your wrists away, inspecting them as Alfie rounded you to sit back down. You touched your aching cheek and winced.

"Found these on you, we did," he said as he leaned back and ran his fingers along the blade before he put it back in his pocket. "You understand why they won't be returned to you until a later time."

"Shouldn't you drop me off somewhere?" You asked, watching Alfie closely. "Sabini won't like you handing me over. You drop me off and I'll wander back on my own. Say I got loose. Better answer than helping Tommy if you want to keep playing that you're helping him."

"Women in business are like a woman aboard a ship," Alfie muttered, eyeing you. "Bad luck."

You looked down at your shirt, which had the top three buttons popped off and hung loosely around you. 

"Good thing it's just us men here then," you retorted as you cocked your head at him. "So are you playing Tommy or are you playing Sabini?"

"I'm going to need you to stop that little brain of yours from thinking about my business, right?" Alfie stood up, pointing his finger at you. "Or else I'll have to treat you like a man and not a pawn, yeah? And that won't be good. You look bruised enough to have seen enough bad men."

Alfie paced, watching you closely.

"You look at me like a snake, innit? A big bad. What do you think your boss is?" He let out a throaty chuckle, "Using women as soldiers, it's fucking disgraceful, pet. No honor in sending women with knives in their petticoats. No honor t'all."

"I know why  _ Thomas  _ does what he does," you said calmly, looking up at Alfie pacing in front of you. "Why do you do it, the business, the killing?"

He stopped and scowled down at you. 

"No, pet," he laughed. "I'm not the one answering fucking questions here, yeah. You'll not get answers from me. You," he pointed at you again, "will answer my questions and give me no lip, yeah? You're fucking witchcraft won't work here."

A boy tumbled in with a cup of tea on a saucer and handed it to you with a tense nod before he turned to Alfie. 

"What should I tell Shelby, exactly, sir?" The boy fumbled, jittering in place. 

Alfie looked you dead in the eye. 

"Tell 'im his girl's being dropped off to wander her way back to the flock," he said, keeping eye contact. "And if he's not careful, a brain like hers is likely to get cut or stolen for good."

"Yessir," the boy nodded and disappeared.

You sipped the tea slowly, not breaking the eye contact Alfie started. 

"What are your questions?"


	7. Your Love Could Start A War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfie is curious, and you can't take much more. When you get a moment of quiet to sort out your brain, you snap.

Alfie eyed you curiously through your conversation, always staring into your eyes after questions and watching every nervous move you made. It was like having a parent know what you did wrong and waiting for you to lie to them, just so they could use the belt.

He asked simple questions at first, why the clothes, who you were. You answered with half truths, that you wore a disguise after hearing the coppers were after you. That you were a simple girl from Birmingham. 

"So why'd you leave the exciting life of working in a club in London," Alfie asked as he smoothed his beard, "to go back with gangsters in Birmingham?"

"Sabini's looked in on the Blinder's operations," you slowly said as you watched his eyes for confirmation. "You know I work at The Garrison."

Alfie raised his brows but did not answer. 

"It was easy money, closer to my kin," you said. "I do what I'm told and everyone's taken care of."

"Are you insinuating the Peaky's would cut your family?" Alfie asked as his brows bunched together. "Are you now afraid of Shelby or Sabini?"

"I," you said pointedly, slowing your speech, "know that in order to stay alive in the shadows you have to pick a side. And  _ business men _ don't appreciate disloyalty."

Alfie hummed and leaned back. Ollie walked in behind him, his hands shaking as he lowered his mouth to Alfie's ear to whisper whatever news he had. Alfie watched you closely as Ollie stood back up.

"Well, pet," Alfie said, "you are just a soldier by the news I'm given. Let's get you a piece of bread for lunch and continue this talk. Ollie? Bring the girl a piece of bread."

"And drink?" You asked, raising your empty tea cup. "It must be afternoon by now."

Alfie scrunched his face at you before he called to Ollie over his shoulder. You placed the teacup and saucer on the floor next to your chair.

"Get 'er some rum, then," Alfie said. "The dark kind we give to the men."

"More of a whiskey girl myself," you said as the side of your lip curled in amusement, "but rum can do in a pinch."

"Did you fuck the man who's clothing you wear?" Alfie asked.

You blanched, caught off guard by the question. Did you? No. Would you?

"No," you answered, crossing your arms.

"Anger," Alfie said with a smile, "annoyance. You're offended."

He shook his finger at you. 

"Not a whore," he said to himself, "but certainly not a Shelby."

Ollie came back, a glass of dark liquid in one hand and a piece of bread in the other. He handed them to you shakily and left again after a nod from Alfie. He watched you take a bite of the bread, and rinse it with a warm mouth of rum. Your stomach turned and growled. You had been hungry for hours but too scared to realize.

"If I'm inconsequential and you seem to have confirmed I am," you said in between bites in a bored tone, "can I go? I have no information for you about what Tommy is doing. I'm not let in for that."

"Do you resent my company?" He asked with a laugh. "How do you deal with the Shelby's, with a look down your nose and a sigh? They wouldn't allow that, those angry boys. Not one bit. But you don't seem so afraid of bad men or consequences."

You continued eating as he watched you. 

"What was your last business for Tommy?"

"I asked a man some questions," you answered.

"That's all?" Alfie said as he leaned forward.

"And then I sliced his throat," you said, boring your eyes into his. 

Your gut wrenched beneath you but you fought to still your quivering lip. You held yourself as steady as you could, willing your voice not to break. Alfie's eyes pierced through your armor and watched you intently. You answered his gaze with your own.

"Funniest thing about pretty creatures, innit pet," he said with amusement in his eyes. "The most colorful are usually the likeliest to kill you dead with no warnin'."

\----

Later that afternoon you walked slowly, looking at every building and making slow circles across the city in case someone was following you. Best to walk aimlessly like you weren't quite sure where you were in London or where you were going. Going straight there might give too much away.  _ You were a soldier, a Blinder, and not a friend of the family's. _ It was the safest option so you weren't used against them, and they weren't used against you.

You finally made your way to the big oak door and knocked, idly wobbling on your feet. You froze when the door opened and a man stared at you. 

"May I help you?" The dark haired man asked politely, if not eyeing you curiously. 

You self consciously flew your hand to your hair, smoothing it. You couldn't do much for the oversized torn men's clothes you were wearing, or the bruises on your skin, so you tried to give him a friendly smile but fell short in your exhaustion. 

"Is Ada home?" You asked. "She won't be expecting me. Tell her (Y/N) is here."

"You're a friend of Ada's?" He asked, "Come into the parlor and I'll get her."

"Thank you," you said shyly as you followed him into the entry. 

You heard him call her through the house and you fidgeted in the space. The house was beautiful and huge. You hadn't visited since she and Karl, her baby, had moved in. You had been writing to keep in touch and knew the address. You knew she had a board but didn't realize it was a man. 

"(Y/N)," you heard Ada gasp as she came into the parlor. "What on earth are you wearing? And why are you in London?"

You smiled weakly as she picked at your clothing and scoffed over your bruises on your neck and cheek.

"Hello, Ada," you said as you tried calming her hands that were flitting about you, "got myself in a bit of trouble."

"Still working for my brothers, then?" She scoffed. "Get upstairs and take a hot bath. I'll find you something else to wear. Hopefully with a collar. You'll stay here tonight until I can yell at the boys to pick you up."

"Thank you," you said as you caught her hands and held them between you. She sighed and smiled thinly. 

"One more thing," you said, pulling her closer until your foreheads touched. 

"Wine night?" Ada asked with a giggle.

"Wine night," you confirmed. 

"Alright," she laughed, "after I put Karl to bed."

"Of course," you said as you let go of her and smiled. "I'll go clean up. Be a proper girl again."

"You couldn't be proper if you tried," Ada raised her eyebrows, "but it won't stop me from trying. Clean will do tonight."

Ada took you upstairs to the bathroom and started the hot water. You looked around the small room as she went to get you towels and a dress. The room was simple, with a toilet, sink, and a giant claw foot tub that took up most of the space. You sat on the edge of the tub and ran your fingers along the steaming water as it poured out of the faucet.

Ada returned, placing a flowered dress and a grey towel on the toilet seat. 

"Take as much time as you need," she said, clasping her hands together to still them as she trembled in place. "I'll add a plate for dinner and we'll have a nice relaxing evening tonight."

"Thank you," you said quietly as you looked shyly up at her. "For everything."

"Of course," Ada smiled, softening from her reluctant behavior. "You're practically my sister."

"Too bad I'm just as annoying as your brothers," you teased. "You really don't have to house me. I know you want Karl as far away from the business as possible."

"You can stay a night," she argued. "Tommy's already got boys outside watching, no point in keeping you out. You're at least the fun part of trouble."

You both giggled. You stood up, the water in the tub nearly high enough for your soak.

"Alright then," you laughed as you reached for the few remaining buttons on your shirt, "are you keeping me company like when we are girls, then? Because I  _ desperately  _ need this bath."

"No, no," Ada waved, "I'll let you wash in peace. I've got to set up dinner and pick the wine bottles."

You watched her leave, closing the door behind her, before you walked over and locked it. You quickly undid the buttons of your shirt and slipped out of the rest of your clothes and slowly melted into the steaming bath water. 

Every muscle in your limbs relaxed into the heat, and -- for the first time today -- you realized how tense you had kept yourself since you had climbed down Tommy's stairs. The day itself felt like it had lasted for years. 

You heard low noises of conversations echoing downstairs, but the words garbled into nothing as you sunk deeper and deeper into the water. Your shoulders and neck ached as they released their tension and you sighed at the pain as you let the water cover your mouth and stop just below your nose. You closed your eyes and took a few deep breaths, letting the water dissolve all your thoughts and pains. With one long breath in through your nose, you dipped yourself completely under water and felt it rush into your ears and push the rest of the world away. You stayed under, listening to the sound of your heart in your ears until it slowed to a calm beat. 

You were safe, you were calm, and you were going to have a good night, regardless of the day you had or what the Shelby boys were up to. You could enjoy yourself in the midst of chaos that they brought.

When you came up for air, you wiped the water from your eyes and sat still for another few moments, enjoying the water, until you reached for the soap to clean the day from you. You took extra care in scrubbing your hair, massaging your scalp and pressing any thoughts out of your head. 

Once you were clean, you rose from the bath and pulled the plug to let the water out. After drying yourself on the grey towel, you found the simple slip and collared flower dress that Ada gave you and put them on, looking at yourself in the mirror above the sink. 

Alfie had bruised your cheek with his rings, faint blue-green marks hung like jewels near your left cheekbone to match the greening bruises of your neck. You buttoned the dress higher to cover your neck completely with the collar. 

With one last gaze you rung your hair out again and let it drip dry on your shoulders for the evening. You unlocked the door and made your way downstairs. 

"Ada?" You called as you descended the stairs.

"In here," she yelled back. You followed the general direction of her voice until you walked into a dining room with a large table in the center. Three plates were on the end of it, and a roast on a platter between them. Ada was hovering over her chair with a pitcher, filling up glasses for each of you. Karl was sitting in a booster seat off of Ada's chair, gurgling and cooing. The man was already sitting to her left, filling his plate. You smiled shyly as they both looked up at you in the doorway. 

"Hello," you said quietly. You walked to the seat to Ada's right and sat down with your hands in your lap and your head slightly bowed. 

"So you are a girl," the man said kindly, "I'm James." 

"(Y/N)," you smiled. "Nice to meet you."

Ada watched you both, brows raised in disbelief. 

"Right," she said. "Dinner, then."

You all stacked your plates and ate quietly, Ada feeding Karl bits off of her plate and cooing back at him. When dinner was done, you stood and started taking everyone's plates and glasses. 

"You don't have to do that," Ada admonished. "You're our guest."

"'Practically sisters' aren't guests," you argued. "I can clean a few dishes for you feeding me. Go get Karl a bath and such and you can reward me with wine."

"I think I like you," James said with a smile. "It was my turn on dishes. Ada, I can take Karl and let you ladies have your night."

You smiled at James before you stuck your tongue out at Ada.

"See? No excuses, now," you teased. 

Ada scoffed at you both. 

"Don't encourage her, James," she said. "Next you'll find the house burnt down from mischief."

"That was only once," you joked over your shoulder as you left the room, arms full of dishes as you blindly navigated to the kitchen.

"Once is enough," Ada called back with a laugh. 

After washing dishes and James and Karl being banished upstairs, Ada pulled out a bottle of red wine and led you to the living area near the fireplace. You both curled yourselves up on the couch in front of the fire. It was the last thing James insisted on doing before he took Karl and headed upstairs. 

"I like him," you giggled as Ada finished uncorking the bottle with her teeth. 

"He does have his uses," she murmured as she handed you the bottle. "Now drink and tell me what's been going on with you. I know you don't tell me everything in letters."

"I don't," you confirmed. "But I just got kidnapped, so excuse me for wanting to get drunk before I start spilling all my secrets."

Ada gasped at you and stared at you intently as you took a long swig from the wine bottle. 

"All hell," she exclaimed as she jumped from the couch, hands in her hair, "you really aren't joking. This calls for another bottle of wine."

You wheezed a laugh and fought yourself from spitting out the wine. Two bottle night, indeed. 

When she came back and opened the second bottle, legs tucked beneath her and face intent on yours, you told her about going out with John to interrogate Wilks, and the police capturing you in the morning after leaving the Garrison, only to find out they had been Sabini's coppers and then he had traded you to Alfie. Ada's blank expression at the name confirmed in your mind that she had no idea who the gangster was, either. 

The bottles were half empty by the time the stories were told and a comfortable wine haze had come over you. It blurred the edges and left your tongue sweet and heavy.

"So the only thing you haven't explained," Ada slurred, "is who's clothes you were wearing when you came to my door."

Ada muffled her laughter with her hand and bowed her head away from you as your pink face tinged red at the edges. You cleared your throat and directed your attention to the wine bottle in your hand and started to pick at it. 

"I kissed your brother," you muffled, rolling it around in your mouth like a candy.

Ada giggled and tsked.

"John," she dismissed as she rolled her eyes. "Every girl in Birmingham's kissed John."

"Him," you said pointedly as you glared at Ada before softening your tone and you resumed picking at the wine bottle, "but also Tommy."

"Tommy?" Ada laughed incredulously. 

You shrunk into the couch more at her laugh. She quieted as she dipped closer to you and tried to catch your eye. You looked up to meet her gaze as she grabbed your empty hand and her eyebrows shot up.

" _ Why? _ " She burst into laughter. 

You reddened more, hiding your face behind the bottle and pulling your hand away. You laughed with her, but with less tenacity. 

"They're his clothes," you pressed, watching her eyes widen. "Not like that. Well, tried like that. Oh, don't look at me like that, Ada. I don't need it."

"What you don't need is my brothers," she laughed. "You would have thought he would have been happier when I rang him earlier to tell him you were fine."

"You did what?" You hissed, your fuzzy attention spiking into focus on her face. 

"He was at the races today," she laughed, "right down the road. He didn't seem phased at all when I said you'd shown up at my door. Promised to pick you up in the morning."

"Didn't seem phased at all," you repeated as it sunk under your skin and into your bones. 

_ Tommy had been at the races all day, then. So he didn't answer Alfie's call. He wasn't in Birmingham anymore. He was so close all day but didn't bother to look for you or find out that you were even taken. _

You gripped the bottle tighter and took a long drink of the wine, now warmed up from being out so long, making it bitter and stronger on your tongue. You winced at the taste but didn't stop until you swallowed mouthfuls of wine multiple times. 

"Hey," Ada said in hushed tones, intent on your reaction. "I'm sure he was worried about you. He had big business today from the whispers, so he was probably keeping you from the danger."

"By having me kidnapped," you deadpanned.

"He let you go," Ada said weakly with a shrug. "Forget them, isn't tonight nice? A nice day away from business."

You nodded and forced a smile on your face. 

"So, your board, James," you raised your brow. 

"Also more interested in boys than me," Ada said with a laugh, allowing you to change the topic. You both laughed. She continued on, but toughts raced through your head. 

\----

After more conversation and the bottles were emptied, you found yourself wide awake with Ada asleep on the end of the couch. You watched the fire crackle and dance, letting your mind wander with all of your dark thoughts. 

_ Tommy had known you wound up at Ada's door. He knew to some degree that you had not made it to your flat and that you were taken to London instead. He obviously had not asked Ada to speak with you. He was  _ **_right there_ ** _. So close, and yet he didn't bother to come see or talk to you. After you were taken and traded around by his rivals. Did he care? _

_ And then there was John. He was your closest friend among the Shelby's and he had lied to you about having a wife. He had flirted and kissed and touched his way into a piece of your heart and then continued to act like it was no big deal. He had agreed to your goodbye kiss to end it and then continued to taunt and tease you like you didn't feel more for him. In the same breath as telling you he was happily in love with Esme, who seemed perfect for him in the few moments you'd met her. He constantly ignored any barrier to your heart that you tried to raise and then got upset when Finn insinuated that you had moved on to his brother, who at least was available for your affection.  _

_ And Arthur this morning blamed you, not his brothers, for their discretions. As a woman,  _ **_you_ ** _ should know better. Do better. Men had absolutely no power of their own. The audacity! _

Your anger started to grow with every thought. Every moment stacking on the other until you were trembling.

_ Were you a pawn for every man you knew? Were you simply just a woman to move as they wish? You had been strangled, slapped, hit and knocked out so many times in the last couple days. For what? A night of calm bliss? The night had promised nothing and only intensified the trouble around you. The Shelby's enemies had noticed your increased involvement and taken you right under their noses. No one had even batted an eye. You were taken from Birmingham to London and questioned for hours -- supposedly by someone on Tommy's side although you doubted that was for long -- and you were let go to wander back. Sabini had threatened your life. Alfie had hit you. And then you were freed and alone like nothing. You weren't important enough to keep and you weren't important enough for the Shelby's to fight for. And yet you had killed on their word only the day before. You watched the life force of a man leave his eyes after you cut his throat for drunkenly talking to a stranger. He didn't deserve that. How could you? _

_ How long were you going to let other people control you? How long until you stopped all this? When did you become this monster? _

Your throat constricted and you leaned forward and placed the bottle onto the floor. You stood up, resolved in thought as your body wavered in place. 

_ If no one would protect you, you would. Who's to stop someone from picking you up tomorrow? The Shelby's might have kept you around as a pet, but you loved them. Even if they used you. You wouldn't let anyone use you again. You would protect the ones you loved -- and yourself -- by standing up for yourself. _

You wandered out of the room and creeped up the stairs, moving stealthily to find Tommy's clothes in the bathroom where you left them. You hesitated, lifting the shirt and smelling it. His smell both calmed yet infuriated you. You dug into the pants pockets and stuffed your treasures inside. You made your way downstairs and went to unlock the door.

"Where are you going?" James whispered from the top of the stairs, arms crossed. 

You turned quickly, half of you already out of the door, and raised your finger to your lips. He watched you carefully but you left anyway, down the steps and running in the street. 

You wandered, the chill crossing your face but not sinking through because of the wine and anger that warmed you. Ada had fallen asleep relatively early, and you knew there were places still open at these hours. Time bended. Surroundings blurred. Time went both too fast and too slow as you moved. The streets were mostly empty, those that were out had already found what they were looking for.

You saw the club across the street, bustling with life, and your anger flamed. 

_ How dare Sabini go about business as normal after kidnapping you, threatening you, and being so stupid as to give you to someone that let you go. You wouldn't be anyone's pawn anymore. You wouldn't let anyone hurt you or the ones you cared about. You had to  _ **_do_ ** _ something. _

You stomped off of the curb into the street and headed to the club. Your hands fidgeted into your pockets and grabbed your knives, itching to pull them out. You pulled one out to your side and hid it against you while you blazed a trail to the club, determined.

A hand grabbed and squeezed your wrist with the knife before it pulled you into the dark behind a pillar near the entrance of the club. You swung your other hand out to hit your attacker and you were blocked as the man batted your knife away and pinned both of your hands above your head against the pillar. All you saw was a cigarette cherry smoldering red in the dark.

"If you wanted a night out in my club, you'd only just ask," he rumbled playfully, his blue eyes sparkling as he leaned closer. You could taste the whiskey on his breath as the cigarette bobbed in his mouth.

"Tommy," you cried. "Where have you been I've --"

"The club is mine," he said, holding you still. "The races are mine. I've taken everything Sabini had. We've burned his bookies papers and taken it all."

He leaned down close and spit the cigarette away onto the sidewalk. 

"Is that why you fucking left me with Sabini?"

Tommy's eyes flashed like a storm and confusion creased his brow. His grip wavered on your wrists and you pushed him away. 

"What?"

You pushed him against the other pillar behind him, hitting his chest over and over.

"You fucking heard me," you growled. "The coppers weren't for your fucking Campbell, they were Sabini's coppers," you hit him again, his expression blank, "until Alfie--"

Tommy's eyes flashed again and you hit him harder. 

"So you DO know fucking Alfie," you said. "He--"

"Enough," Tommy said and grabbed at your wrists. You fought him, hitting him again until he pinned your wrists between you. "Enough, now."

Tommy pulled you close, hushing you as you started to cry. 

"It's okay," he soothed you. 

It only made you angrier.

"It's not fucking okay,  _ Thomas _ !" You yelled as you kneed him in the groin. He doubled over, mouth agape and pain plastered across his features. 

"Now fucking listen to me for once," you cried and pulled his gasping face to yours, "Alfie fucking  _ took _ me. He  _ hit _ me. He asked me fucking questions. And in the end he left me to walk London because you  _ didn't answer the fucking phone _ . Because you were at the races doing business. Taking everyone else's candy while I was fucking  _ taken _ and you didn't give a fuck."

"I didn't know," he croaked. "I didn't know you were taken until Ada caught me this evening. None of us knew until you were free. Polly had already killed Campbell, we thought it was taken care of."

He raised a hand to touch your face and you batted it away.

"Don't fucking touch me," you snarled.

"I was coming to get you in the morning," he whispered, gathering enough air to stand up straight again. "I didn't know to be worried until it was already done. You're still here. I'm still here. There's nothing I can do for the past."

"Damn you, Shelby," you said, tears falling from your eyes.

"Most do," he said, "Let me take you back to Ada's. What did you even plan to do here? You absolutely reek of wine. Let's get you to bed."

"I don't want to go to bed," you mumbled, fighting him as he grabbed your arm to drag you back toward Ada's house. "I was going to kill Sabini so he can't use me again."

"Use you?"

"Against you," you scoffed. "And hurt me. That Alfie had a mighty slap. My head went reeling."

Tommy's jaw ticked as he looked at you behind him and slowed down to walk beside you. 

"Alfie's an ally," he said quietly. "He shouldn't have touched you."

"Well he fucking did," you glared, "and I wouldn't trust that man. He's playing all sides. Doing it well, I might add."

"I've only got to keep the winning hand to have him on my side," he agreed. "I plan to keep winning."

You scoffed. Tommy wrapped an arm around your shoulders. 

"You're barefoot and didn't bring a coat," he said as he looked you over. "How much did you drink with Ada?"

"None of your fucking business," you seethed. 

Tommy chuckled.

"Coiling like a rattlesnake," he laughed.

"Fuck you,  _ Thomas _ ," you sputtered.

Any amusement that danced upon his face died.

"That's enough," he said blankly. "I told you before."

"You deserve the curse," you shot back.

"Maybe so, but I can't bear it from your lips."

"I'm a soldier," you ducked out of his arm and walked backwards in front of him, "a pawn. Expendable. You can bear plenty."

"You're not." 

You scoffed, turning around and marching through the streets. You started to lose steam finally, the alcohol getting the better of you as the anger ran its course. What the anger had sharpened had started to haze again. And you were  _ so bloody tired. _ You began losing your footing and wobbling through the street as you slowed. 

Tommy had followed you calmly, ten steps behind as you stomped through the streets. Now he had caught up and placed his hand on your lower back to steady you. You were too tired to fight. 

Your gait slowed more. Your legs started to ache. Your eyelids hung heavy. Suddenly you were lifted into Tommy's arms, your head leaning into his chest. You moved to fight him but he quieted you, whispering into your hair. Your eyes closed at the lull of his steady walk. 

He fumbled, carrying you up the stairs and into the house, up the stairs inside and down the hall. No one stopped either of you and you heard no one whisper or talk. 

He nudged a door with his knee and walked you into a room, setting you down softly on a warm bed. You nuzzled into the bedding, burrowing your face into the pillows as you heard Tommy close the door and rattle about the room. 

Tommy nudged you and moved you farther into the bed before pulling you to his bare chest and covering you both with covers. The warmth only made you delve deeper into sleep.

"Did you hear me today?" You mumbled, opening your eyes and fighting to stay awake. "Curse you?"

He looked down at you softly, touching your cheek. You flinched as his thumb touched the bruise.

"It hurt every time, sweetheart," he said. 

"Good," you said. Your brows dropped together for a moment before your face relaxed again.

"Sorry," you sighed and nuzzled into his chest. 

"Never apologize to me," he said. "I don't deserve it."


	8. We Move Easy

You woke up alone. Loud voices echoed downstairs and came in through the door that was ajar. You heard John's and Arthur's roaring laughter and Ada yelling at them to quiet. Your mouth was dry and a light headache haloed your head. The night before was a blur, but you were still in the collared flower dress Ada gave to you to wear. 

You stood up and did your best to smooth the creases and fix the collar. Your feet were dirty, proving the events of the night weren't dreamt. You really had tried to barge into Sabini's -- now Tommy's -- club and stab the man. Instead, you were dragged back to Ada's and fell asleep cuddled against the man you were hurt by the most. 

You sighed, smoothed the skirt of the dress and made your way downstairs, following the laughter to the dining room. The table was filled with breakfast foods; everyone filled their plates greedily. Ada sat beside James, her hands massaging her temples as John and Arthur sat across from her horsing around. Neither looked like they slept yet but were still hyper from the night. Tommy, of course, took the head of the table. He was the first to notice you watching the happenings, and gave you a small nod as he exhaled his morning cigarette. 

"Good morning, everyone," you said, walking to the table and sitting beside John, "did you boys have an eventful night?"

"Did we ever," John said and elbowed Arthur, "we had a right celebration after our victory. Tom must have had some fun himself since he left for a smoke and never came back."

"Boss man must'ov got him a girl, eh?" Arthur joked before pointedly eyeing you. "Or did he come back early?"

Tommy hummed noncommittally and Ada looked between you both nervously. 

"Ada and I had a girl's night," You said, watching Ada shift in her seat and Tommy give you a warning look, "Like old times."

You filled your plate with a random assortment of foods and picked at it.

"We had such fun drinking wine and catching up that it went a little to my head this morning," Ada said, still rubbing her temples. "How are you fairing, (Y/N)?"

"I'm fine," you said stiffly. 

"Ey," John said as he looked over at you concerned "what's that bruise from?"

John smacked Arthur away from him as he turned and ran a finger over the faint bruise along your cheek. You flinched and caught his hand. 

"It's nothing," you said with a forced laugh while you glared at Tommy, "probably just a late comer from the business the other day. Did you ever sleep?"

Arthur chuckled. John shook you free, watching you closely before returning back to his antics. 

"No," Arthur said as he bit into some eggs, "had too much snow to come down."

"Likely to mean a quiet ride home once you lot pass out," Ada said as she dropped her hands from her head and reached for some fruit. 

You grunted and started eating. Arthur and John continued horsing around while eating and making the majority of the noise. James stayed quiet, watching the dynamics of the group. You gave him a small smile that he returned before he looked over at Tommy and turned sallow. Your brows knitted together as you looked over. Tommy's jaw was clenched as he stared at James. 

"And what about you, Tommy?" You called with a raised brow over the rough housing. "Still starving? You should probably eat something other than that cigarette."

Tommy assessed you cooly, detached almost. 

"I suppose I should eat before we're all back home," he said. 

"We?" You said, your eyes fluttered even though you had already locked your jaw. "Do you have room for everyone? I could always stay with Ada and worry about returning later. You boys were allowed your fun, I should be allowed mine."

"I have plenty of room," Tommy countered, "If you want a night out on the town, I can do that later. Harry should be expecting you for your shift, tonight, eh?"

"Harry didn't seem to be bothered about last night," you pushed as you locked eyes with Tommy. "He might not even need me with your growing enterprise, yeah? I could easily move into my old job and get you boys set up in the club here."

"Trying to leave us again, (Y/N)?" John asked, jumping into the conversation once he stopped his own with Arthur. "You'd only just got into the fold."

You let Tommy win as your eyes dipped before meeting John's worried glance.

"It's only a thought," you said softly. 

"We can talk on that later, (Y/N)," Tommy said loudly. "Today, you're coming home with us. We'll take you to your flat for some of your things and you'll stay at my house until we can clean yours up." 

Your eyes widened at the statement and the table immediately quieted. 

"I'm not staying in your house, Thomas," you said with a scoff. 

"It's not a request," he said as he rolled his eyes. "You can stay in Ada's old room. Just until your flat is cleaned and we know all the danger is passed."

"You beat Sabini," you argued. "Polly shot Campbell. What other danger is there for me but you?"

Tommy's eyes rippled with hurt before his face became cool and placid like still waters.

"It's not negotiable," he said. 

"Well then," Ada said with a tight smile as her eyes darted to everyone's faces, "does anyone want to start drinking again? I do."

Not long after everyone had their fill, Tommy drove the car around and had everyone say their goodbyes to Ada. Tommy all but pushed you into the passenger seat and Arthur and John crawled into the back. Not ten minutes passed before they both were sleeping on each other while Tommy drove the winding roads home. 

Tommy kept his eyes on the road until you heard a small snore from Arthur. He looked back at his brothers before he glanced over at you and cleared his throat. 

"I'm sorry," Tommy said softly. "I should have known someone would catch on about you."

"What about me, Thomas?" You pressed. "What are they catching on to, because I don't think I know myself."

"The others don't know of your taking," he said. "I think it's best if we try to forget it. The past is past."

He bit his lip as he watched you. The air was thick with words not spoken, but you let the silence hang between you like a man waiting for the noose.

"If you want a night out, let me take you," Tommy said, his hands and eyes steady on the task of driving. "I want to impress you."

"I don't want a fancy night out where you try to stuff my eyes with lights and blind me in decadence as payment for my silence," you laughed. 

"Let me take you to the pictures then," he retorted. "It's not for your silence."

"I have no use for fake stories on a screen," you said as you crossed your arms. 

"What do you want, then?" He said, looking over at you finally. "What's the way to your heart then, eh? Violence? Business?"

"Freedom," you sighed as you looked out of the car. The ride was silent the rest of the way back.

\----

After Tommy dropped John back at his home, the rest of you went to your flat. You packed a bag of clothes and things quickly and climbed back into the car with a scowl. It was absolutely wrecked in there. The mattress and chairs were cut open, everything was tossed. Anything glass was shattered. Replacing everything would be impossible in one go if you wanted to keep eating and pay rent.

Arthur had woken up once John was dropped off and now watched you both silently from the back. No one talked. 

When you got to the house, you were the first to leave the car and bound into the house. You raced up the stairs. You caught yourself as you slowed to peek at Tommy's room, the place that was your haven just the other night, but you forced yourself to go down to Ada's old room, just one over. Arthur's room was across from yours with Finn's room and the bathroom at the end of the hall. You dropped your bag onto the floor and tried to settle in as you sat down on the bed. 

The room was about the same size as Tommy's and you realized quickly you did not want to stay in it for long. Your chest bubbled with anxiety and your lungs constricted as you looked at the empty walls. You felt trapped. 

You jumped from the bed as you heard the boys come in downstairs. You closed the door and grabbed a new dress from the bag and changed, hauling yourself to the small bathroom to freshen up. 

Before the men could come upstairs to find you, you bounded down the steps and nearly knocked Arthur over. He grabbed your forearms to steady himself as you spun around him and kissed his cheek before running toward the door. 

"Off to see if Harry needs help early, bye!" You called over your shoulder. 

You were out there door and into the early afternoon air before anyone could argue. You hadn't even looked Tommy's way. If he wanted to be silent, you would show him how silent you could be.

You made it to The Garrison in record time, only stopping by the bakery on the way to grab Harry's favorite sweet and a snack for you for dinner later. You opened the heavy doors, putting on a big smile as you searched for Harry. 

"I got you a treat," you sang as you dropped it in front of him and rounded the counter to put your apron on. "For not being here yesterday. I'll start early today."

Harry eyed you but took the treat. He bit into it and purred before he gave you a half-hearted glare. 

"Don't make it a habit," he said. "Not coming in, that is. I won't turn down a sweet, little bird."

Your fake smile broke into a real one and you nodded to him before you started getting the shelves ready for the night. 

The night was long and uneventful. Most Shelby's stayed away, probably resting from the previous night's antics. Finn and Isaiah and their group of younger boys came in, happily ordering beers all night, but otherwise the pub was pretty quiet with regulars doing the normal.

Harry sent you home before midnight. He said he could handle the rest, and your feet hurt from all of the standing so you were ready to go to sleep. You left for Tommy's house after you cleaned the tables and told Harry goodnight. 

The walk in the dark never bothered you much before, maybe it was arrogance or maybe it was familiarity. The walk that night had you on edge, though. Too much had happened recently and being alone made your head fill with fears and you jumped at any noise. You got to the house without a problem, but your heart was pounding anyway. None of the lights were on, so you slipped through the door and slinked up the stairs. You tiptoed past Tommy's room, his door open and the candle by the bed illuminating his bare chest. He was laying there, his hands behind his head on his pillow, his pants loosened but not off. His eyes to the ceiling.

"You're home," he said as he laid still.

"I'm here," you whispered back.

You pulled your eyes from his form and walked back to your room, shutting the door behind you. You leaned against the door and shut your eyes.

You ached to join him, to be comforted in his arms, but you fought yourself. You didn't want to fall prey to 'Tommy being Tommy,' and if he wanted to be two ways -- one in the day and another in the night -- then you wouldn't make it easy on him. He would have to come to you.

You sighed and stepped away from the door, dressing into a nightgown and slid under the covers and shut your eyes. 

"Get some sleep, yeah?" 

Tommy's voice was muffled through the wall but still startled you. It was almost like he was in the room with you. You didn't reply.

\----

A few nights later, you had woken up with a jolt as a warm hand covered your mouth. You grabbed the wrist and started to fight before you even opened your eyes. Tommy was at the edge of your bed, hushing you. His face was covered in shadow.

"You were thrashing with nightmares again," Tommy said. "Your guilt and fear of those men is eating at you. I've heard it through the walls every night."

You bit his hand. He jerked away from you and you sat up to meet him eye to eye.

"What are you doing here?" You hissed. "Leave me to my own nightmares."

You had spent the past few days ignoring or avoiding him, only speaking when you had to. You tried to hide it, still treating the rest of the Shelby's the same. No one had mentioned it if they had noticed, but Tommy had grown more irritated and harder to avoid as the days went on. You spent most of your days out of the house and had spent extra hours at the pub.

"I can't take the digging in my head and you thrashing about," he said angrily. "Don't feel guilt over defending yourself."

You rolled your eyes and tried pushing him off your bed.

"Would you like to know what he felt?" Tommy whispered viscously, grabbing your hand and placing it on his throat. "Will that rid you of the demons in your head?"

You squeezed his throat for a moment and barred your teeth. It felt good to feel him swallow beneath your hand. You squeezed harder for a moment and glowed at the rush. The feeling terrified you. You faltered and dropped your hand.

"Why are you here?" You asked tiredly.

"Get dressed," he said as he stood up and walked toward the door. "I have something to show you."

You scoffed.

"Stop fighting me, woman, and get dressed," he hissed at you.

"Are you worried about my modesty?" You whispered incredulously as you stood from the bed and stared at his back. "Did the opium haze your memory?"

"Would you rather I watch?" He bit back and turned to you and crossed his arms. "Well, dress then." 

He gestured at you and you shifted, unsure of yourself under his gaze. It was dark and you could not see his expression, but you doubted it was desire.

"Can you please get dressed, (Y/N)?" He sighed. "I'd like to take you somewhere."

You bit your lip and nodded into the dark before you pulled out a dress and changed quickly. You watched his figure in front of you as you changed. Surely he couldn't see more than your outline in the dark.

"Alright," you said as you reached for his arm. "Let's go then."

Tommy took your hand and led you into the hall and down the stairs. You stifled a giggle as you reached the door. You were both grown but sneaking out like children. You reached the cool outdoor air and as soon as Tommy shut the door behind you, you let yourself giggle.

"Why are we sneaking around like teenagers, Tommy?" You asked as you twirled in the night air. "Isn't this what Finn's s'pose to do?"

He pulled you to him and caught one of your hands in his and started to slow dance to the quiet night. 

"Because it makes you young," he rumbled as you swayed. "And I like when you make me young."

You could almost see his eyes twinkle in the moonlight as he leaned down and kissed you softly. When he finally pulled away, you smiled.

"It's going to take a lot more than a kiss in the moonlight to win me over, Tommy Shelby."

"I've no doubt, love," he chuckled.

He pulled you with him toward the stables. He stopped you near the door and walked into the dark stalls without you. You could hear him as he rustled around and started soothing a horse in Romani in the dark. It sounded so similar to the times he soothed you when you were angry. Tommy's footsteps echoed closer as you watched him reappear with a black stallion in the doorway. You immediately cooed to the horse and ran your hands along his side and face. Even in the moonlight you could tell he was beautiful and sleek.

"He's beautiful, Tommy," you whispered.

"He's fast," he whispered back. 

He rounded the horse and wrapped himself around you tightly before his lips touched your ear. You leaned back into his chest for a moment. 

"I want to take you somewhere," he whispered as his hands found your hips. "Hike your skirts and I'll lift you."

Goosebumps tickled your neck as you did what he asked and he lifted you to sit on the horse. You squeezed your legs to stay on as you leaned forward and praised the horse for standing still. Tommy hadn't put a saddle or reigns on the stallion and you hadn't ridden bareback since you were children, so you clung to the horse for fear of sliding off. Tommy steadied himself and hopped on behind you. He leaned forward and patted the horse, whispering Romani words to it again. He leaned back to sit up straight and wrapped his arms around you to take hold of the horse's mane.

"Why do you treat me like a horse in need of soothing?" Your whisper had an edge to it and you felt him stiffen behind you. "The same voice you use for horses you've used on me."

"Because you're both wild," he rasped. 

You tried to turn to him but he wrapped you tighter into his arms as he gripped the mane. Your back was pressed to his chest and couldn't turn your head to verify what you already heard in his cracking voice. 

"Women and horses are always wild," he said. "And us men are just dogs nipping at your heels. Let's go."

He rode the horse through the open pastures and along the river until you could see a fire along the horizon and wagons littered near the shore. Hooting and hollering echoed along the bank and you could see dancing around the fire. 

"Are you ready?" Tommy whispered into your hair before he kicked at the horse and you went at a full run toward the party. 

You felt Tommy lean back and yip as you barrelled toward the wagons, finally slowing as you reached the edge. Tommy hopped off the stallion and opened his arms wide for you to slip off the horse. His hair was wild in the light of the flames and his cheeks had a flush from the chill of the night. You laughed as you slid into his arms and he spun you around, landing you on your feet beside him. He patted the horse and you stayed in his arms as you watched it wander off into the nearby field to eat. 

"Is that Tommy?" A man called as he appeared between the wagons. "Why, I haven't seen you at one of these since John's wedding. And who is your lovely lady?"

"Johnny!" Tommy called as he let you go and hugged the man.

Johnny's eyes flitted to you and back to Tommy as he said something in Romani in what sounded like a joking manner. Tommy chuckled and made a tsk sound before turning back to you. 

"Behave now, Johnny," he joked as he reached for your hand and pulled you next to him. "This is (Y/N)."

Johnny took your other hand and bowed his head before he kissed it and twirled you around. 

"Pleasure to meet you," he said as you giggled. "You've been hiding this one, Tommy boy, for good reason. Have a dance with an old man, lass, tonight's a night for fun."

You shot a glance to Tommy who smiled at the two of you and you nodded back to Johnny. He was already pulling you toward the fire, where dozens of people were dancing and playing instruments. 

"Careful, Dogs," Tommy called out as he appeared through the wagons and sat next to a few others on a log to watch you, "Keep those hands high or she'll cut you."

You watched Tommy light a cigarette before Johnny twirled you and pulled you into his arms. 

"I would expect no less from a woman who can keep Tommy in check," he laughed and danced you around the fire, weaving you in and out of other couples. 

Johnny grabbed a bottle from a passing man and took a long drink before handing it to you. You drank it without care and danced with abandon. Johnny howled as he twirled you faster. 

"Atta girl!" He called as you were traded to another and danced around the group, trading partners with dizzying speed as the music picked up faster and faster. 

You passed other women as you circled and twirled on and on. The world spun and faces flashed by you as the music went faster and faster and you all danced and passed, danced and passed until the music was at its peak and immediately stopped. You were flung into familiar arms as your laughter rang through the air and you met Tommy's twinkly blue eyes. He smiled down at you and lifted your arms to wrap around his neck as a slower song started to play. 

"Does Tommy Shelby dance?" You asked playfully. "I've never seen it."

"Can't have Johnny have all the fun," he chuckled as she moved your hips to the music. "He'd steal you away if I let him." 

"He's interested, is he?" You taunted as you twisted in Tommy's arms to dramatically look for Johnny, who was watching across the fire and shot you a wink. "Maybe I'll have a suitor after all."

Tommy chuckled as he pulled you back to him and growled lightly into your ear. 

"You're a hard woman to woo," he rumbled, giving you goosebumps as you swayed. 

"Is that what you're doing?" You breathed. "There's one problem with that, Shelby."

You looked up into his blue eyes as his brows knitted together in confusion. 

"You only want me in the dark," you pouted playfully but held an edge to your voice. "In the day you go about business and ignore me but in the shadows you soften. It's maddening."

"I live in the shadows, sweetheart," he said as he raised a hand from your hip and ran his thumb across your bottom lip. "I work in the dark and when I do join the light I wear a mask."

Tommy pulled your chin up to make you look down your nose at him.

"If that's something you don't want, I'll let you leave now," he said softly before he let your face go. "You can return to your flat and be a Blinder or a barmaid and I'll let you be. But I want you."

"I've never wanted a life in the light," you said and cocked your brow. "The shadows are much more comfortable. Felt safer with devils than I ever did saints."

Tommy smiled and leaned down to kiss you. His lips were soft at first but quickly his kiss engulfed you and his fingers dug into your skin. You stepped back a pace breathless before your mind clouded too much and you lost the words you had yet to say. The slow song had changed into a more up tempo one at some point that you couldn't quite place. 

"Oy, Tommy boy," you heard Johnny yell with a laugh over the fire. "Stop hogging my dance partner. (Y/N), pretty bird, come spin with me my love and leave that wild gypsy boy for a man."

Johnny called out to Tommy in Romani and yipped again before laughing.

"She's mine, Johnny," Tommy yelled back, eyes locked with yours. "You had your fun."

"So I'm claimed now, am I?" You teased. "Am I only claimed for the night or when your brothers can't see? Or maybe only when it's convenient?"

Tommy's hands pulled your hips to his until your lips grazed his own. 

"If you'll have me," he said as he ran his tongue along your bottom lip. "I'll claim you in the shadows and the light. In front of God and the devil himself."

"You'd make me a trophy." You whispered. "I don't want to be a pretty thing on your arm, Tommy. I'm not looking to be caged for my own protection. I'm a part of your business and I intend to stay that way."

"You've called me King Tommy for ages," he said as he kissed you on the lips. 

He kissed your jaw and made a trail of kisses down your neck. You felt butterflies and chills as you tilted your head back and closed your eyes. You noticed the redirection but decided to allow it for the moment. It felt too good not to.

"That's because you rule Birmingham," you said breathlessly. "And now London. You're like bloody Alexander the Great."

You pushed down a moan that began in your chest as his lips parted into a smile and he chuckled against your neck. 

"Well then," he said as he kissed back up your neck and held your face in his hands. He looked at you with soft eyes as he inhaled a shaky breath. 

"How would you like to be my queen, eh?" 

His voice was strong but his eyes danced over you in the light of the fire. Shadows crossed his face as he waited for your answer. You placed your hands on his and squeezed. You had never seen him look this young before.

"I'd want nothing more, Tommy Shelby."


	9. Cherry Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You looked me in the eye far more when I was dressed as a man," you countered before finishing your glass in a gulp. "Perhaps my witchcraft only works on you when you're reminded of my body. You forget what you told me?"  
> "Which part, love?" He smirked as his free hand smoothed his beard.  
> You leaned forward and pressed your hand on his chest as you whispered into his ear.  
> "Funniest thing about pretty creatures, pet," you drawled, mimicking his accent. "The most colorful are usually the likeliest to kill you dead without warnin'."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more of an epilogue set years after the last chapter.

Warm rough fingertips danced along your bare back, stopping to trace along the horse tattooed upon your shoulder. The cool rings made you grip your champagne flute tighter as the hand -- which most certainly was not your husband's -- dipped from your shoulders down your exposed back to the indent above your waist. 

"Backless dresses suit you much better than men's clothing, pet," his breath tickled your ear as he rounded you, his red beard unruly compared to his sharp black suit. "You lied to me those years ago. You are a Shelby."

"You ever hit me again, Mr. Solomons, and I'll gut you in front of God and Polly," you smiled as you tipped your glass to him, your wedding ring gleaming against the flute. "Keep that in mind tonight."

"I don't remember you being so brave those years ago," he squinted, looking over your dress. As his gaze followed the line of your body you cocked your hip, showing your leg through a slit in the gown. His eyes widened before snapping back to your face. "Pretty creature gained courage with a ring on her finger."

His hand lingered on your waist as his fingers played with the edge of your cherry red dress. You lifted your eyebrow at him but refused to move out of his grasp. 

"You looked me in the eye far more when I was dressed as a man," you countered before finishing your glass in a gulp. "Perhaps my witchcraft only works on you when you're reminded of my body. You forget what you told me?"

"Which part, love?" He smirked as his free hand smoothed his beard.

You leaned forward and pressed your hand on his chest as you whispered into his ear. 

"Funniest thing about pretty creatures, pet," you drawled, mimicking his accent. "The most colorful are usually the likeliest to kill you dead without warnin'."

You pulled back and looked around the room with bored eyes. You could see Arthur shooting glances your way as he conversed with a man, and John and Esme were at a table across the crowded ballroom. Esme wrangled their youngest and John's glare fixed on Alfie's arm. His fist was tight on the table as Esme drew his attention back to his family. Finn and Isaiah were both talking in a corner with the help, darting glances your way from time to time.

You raised your glass to a maid and nodded for her to bring her tray over. She smiled nervously and hastily cut through the crowd. 

"Mrs. Shelby," she said, eyeing Alfie standing so close with his hand on your waist before her eyes snapped to yours. 

"I'm bored of champagne," you monotoned. "Get me a whiskey, please, Dolly. Mr. Solomons? Would you rather rum? Gin?"

His eyes flashed and you felt his fingers flex on your side. 

"Don't drink the stuff, meself," he said. "I suppose, when in hell, I'll have a whiskey."

"How courteous to fall to our level," you teased as the maid tittered away to fulfill your request. 

"I've seen no white knight come to your rescue yet, pet," his cold rings pressed against your bare spine. "Why do I feel glares but no one has dared interrupt us? Where is my good friend Mr. Shelby?"

"I've no need for a good man, let alone a knight, Alfie," you smiled and raised your glass to the ballroom. "This is my dear husband's fundraiser. He's around somewhere talking old men out of their money and into his favor."

"Ay, Birmingham and London wasn't enough, he had to join parliament," he chuckled. "And his wife's scandalous attitude has gained more than one headline in the papers."

Alfie's hand raised to graze along your tattooed shoulder. 

"You show you are marked so openly," he murmured. "Like a badge rather than an abomination."

"God never visited Small Heath," you laughed. "No need to gain favor of an absent father."

"Blasphemous with a smile," Alfie shook his head and pressed his lips into a tight line. "Perhaps you should be in men's clothes with the balls on you."

"Says the man with his hands on another's wife at a very public gala," you smiled curtly and squinted at him, as if assessing him and finding him wanting.

"How will the papers headline it?" Alfie said, leaning closer as if to tell a secret. "Another man touching the good politician Shelby's wild wife. Her bare back at that. Scandalous, innit love?"

You laughed loudly and threw your head back, running your fingers along the seam of his suspender inside his jacket. You felt him freeze under your touch as you pressed against him, taking in the spice of his cologne as heads turned to follow your laugh to its source.

"Aren't you a prominent beacon in the Jewish community, Mr. Solomons?" You pushed the words into his ear, velvet draping over him as your grin grew Cheshire-like. "I'm not the only one that can suffer a scandal, and I can promise a pious man will make more headlines than a Shelby."

The maid returned with a stiff 'ma'am' as she handed the whiskey glasses to you both. You murmured your thanks, sipped your drink as you deftly took a step away and turned to face your adversary. 

You looked over his shoulder to see you had Polly's full attention, her scowl cutting you as your glance stuttered on her. She nodded once slowly as she glared daggers one more moment before returning to her conversation. The signal was loud and clear: behave. 

Your eyes searched the ballroom again, finding John's jaw set as he held a toddler, his eyes squinting at yours in question. You winked at him, a smile curling on your lips that you tried to hide by the rim of the whiskey glass. He was not amused.

"Getting all your orders signed to you, love?" He chuckled. "Did you get in trouble with your family? Not as free as you'd like to think."

Alfie smiled wide, a wolf who realized he found a soft spot, and took a large gulp of his drink. He grimaced, clearing his throat as he frowned at the glass. 

"I'll forgive you this once," you said, your attention returning to him. "So it won't interfere with our business."

"Business?" Alfie frowned. "You would never interfere with my business with Tommy."

"No, Alfie," your eyes hardened as Alfie's expression blanked. "I do mean  _ our _ business."

"Alfie, old friend," a warm voice called from behind you as a familiar hand rested on your back. "I hope you didn't start business without me. Some of my guests require more attention and it becomes difficult to get away. I see you found (Y/N) to entertain you."

Alfie watched as Tommy came up beside you, all ease and familiarity as if it was instinct. His suit was crisp, every corner of his appearance perfect and every bit a politician, down to the fake turn of his lips. His fingers played with the fabric against the small of your back and goosebumps covered your skin as he talked with the increasingly agitated man in front of you.

"What do you mean she's in charge of your shipping business?" Alfie's voice had clipped, his games falling aside as his shock got the better of him. 

"Exactly what he said," you smiled. "If you would like a piece of our shipping gin -- and possibly your rum -- to the Americas, you'll need to speak to me."

"Ah," Alfie said, tongue circling an eye tooth as he reassessed you in Tommy's arms. "So the soldier had become a general herself."

"More like a queen," Tommy said, leaning down to kiss your cheek as he pulled you into his side. 

"Wouldn't the charity be better business for a woman to run?" Alfie frowned, squinting between you both. 

"Lizzie is running the charity," you supplied, your fingers running along Tommy's arm that stretched along your middle. "We're a modern company, Mr. Solomons. Multiple women can run multiple pieces."

"I was hoping to introduce you two, make the transition smoother," Tommy said as his jaw ticked. "But you seem to have shot straight for (Y/N) before I could."

"We've met, we did," Alfie said as he twisted his beard in his hand. "Had a nice little discussion all those years ago, didn't we pet? Thought it only proper to give her a hello while you were busy."

Tommy's face was blank, his eyes half lidded as if bored. If anyone could shut Alfie Solomons' erratic energy down, it was Tommy Shelby and his nature of being completely still. Looking between the men was like looking between fire and ice. Both were dangerous, conniving, and ambitious to a fault. 

Alfie was loud, erratic, constantly flipping moods, expressions, energies, to keep everyone around him on their toes. You never knew when he would strike because he constantly tapped on walls for weaknesses. By the time he had done what he wished, no one flinched because it was old hat. You couldn't tell whick way was up or down by the time Alfie was done with you.

Tommy, on the other hand, preferred to be still, watchful, quiet. People often would see his blank face and -- unable to read an expression -- take whatever he said as truth. He would hold himself still until everyone forgot he was there and when he would strike there would be nothing but astonishment and dust in his wake. He was a ghost.

Tommy licked his lips, letting the air thicken between them before he unwrapped himself from your waist and took your hand. You placed your drink on a nearby table. His eyes instantly warmed as they left Alfie to look you up and down. 

"Do you like this dress, Alfie?" Tommy asked as he twirled you slowly in front of the man, letting the long red fabric frame you. "I picked it out myself. I believe it's from Paris, right love?"

Alfie grunted, looking between you and Tommy with suspicion.

"It is," you said evenly, allowing him to spin you in front of the man like he was showing off a jewel in the light. 

"Your taste has always been rich, Tom," Alfie squinted. "No doubt about that."

"It's made from a very fine silk, I believe," Tommy went on, ignoring the comment, his eyes dancing between your figure and Alfie's confused face.

"The thing about it is the cut," he went on, leaning toward Alfie as if conspiring. "My beautiful wife can't wear undergarments with it. Low back, that slit up the side, how the dress flows over her more like water than fabric. Very unfortunate, don't you think?" 

Alfie's eyes widened as he eyed your body even closer. He reddened slightly as he finally made his way to your face to see your eyebrow cocked at him daringly, the smallest curl of your lips a mix of a snarl and a smile.

"Very unfortunate, indeed," Alfie mumbled. "Why are you telling me this, Tom?"

"Oh no reason at all," Tommy tilted his head and winked as he pulled you closer to him, his hand dropping yours to rest splayed on your hip.

"You're going to dance with my wife, Alfie, while I grab a smoke," Tommy said, the edge to his voice sharper than his locked jaw. "And you'll figure out the conditions for our joint alcohol smuggling effort during that dance."

Tommy's blue eyes burrowed into Alfie as he waited for an answer. Alfie nodded slowly and extended his hand toward you, a grimace on his face as you dipped your head and accepted his hand. His hand extended yours out as his other rested on your waist, flitting over your skin rather than holding. He was nervous like a clumsy child that was told to set the table with fine china tonight.

"Oh, and Alfie," Tommy called before Alfie could pull you too far away. You both looked back at him, but only you had a sparkle of mischief in your eye.

"She might cut you if your hands wander," Tommy said, his eyebrows raised as his chin and voice sank. "I'll shoot you in the fuckin' face."

You exhaled a sharp laugh as Alfie's hand on your waist all but hovered above you, his face white as a sheet as he pulled you away from your husband. Tommy gave a nod and moved within the crowd, finding a place next to Polly for a moment. You looked around the room for a moment before reading your eyes back to the uncomfortable man in front of you.

"I will, you know," you smiled as his mouth quirked. "Cut you."

"With what blade in that dress?"

"Oh, you'd be surprised," you said.

Alfie grunted and looked over your shoulder, no doubt looking for the positions of the Shelbys.

**"Stop being grumpy, it's lame,"** you laughed as you rubbed his shoulder. "We have business to agree upon."

"Easy for you to say, pet," he mumbled. "Didn't realize I would be holding a bomb to me chest tonight over business."

"Isn't that the only way to do business?" You frowned. "I even wore red to alert you. I thought you knew better."

"Fuckin' should've," he breathed. "Alright, now, let's get to it then."

\----

As the song ended, you and Alfie had agreed on a preliminary run of a limited amount of his rum going in your next shipment to America. If the numbers and shipment went well, you would ramp up within a fortnight. 

"May I have this dance?" Tommy appeared, his hand outstretched and pushing the two of you away from each other. 

"I believe we have amenable terms for now," Alfie bowed his head as he kissed your hand, in much better spirits than when the dance began. "I will leave my favorite cutthroats to go forth and ruin someone else's night with their fuckery. I do believe I need to return home and wash the sin from my clothes before it stains."

"Goodnight, Alfie," you said warmly as he easily transferred you to Tommy's side. "Safe travels home."

"Goodnight," Tommy said, all edge of his voice gone as his attention was only on you, his mouth dipped to kiss your shoulder. 

Alfie looked between you two and exhaled a soft laugh before he turned away, shaking his head. 

"Are we going to dance before you leave me to Polly to be yelled at, or was that just a way to cut short my time with your ally?" You murmured as his hand tickled your back. 

"I can dance," he said as he kissed your neck and swept you into his arms. 

You giggled as his hot breath tickled your ear and he pulled you across the hall. 

"So Polly  _ is _ unhappy with me," you laughed as you pulled back to look him in the eye. 

Tommy sighed. 

"You threatened to make a scene, love," he said as his eyes softened. "With Alfie of all people."

"I think she's more upset about the half a glass of whiskey I had than dealing with Alfie," you said, earning a confused look from Tommy. "Alfie was only trying to make me uncomfortable."

"You didn't flinch a bit," Tommy toned. 

**"Oh! You're jealous,"** you gasped. "Did Alfie Solomons upset my dear husband, king Tommy?"

"No one's to touch my wife but me," he said, roughly tugging you to the other side of a pillar as he pressed you against it in the shadow. 

He lifted your chin with his finger as his knee pressed between your legs and his other hand found its way into the slit of your dress and squeezed your ass. 

"Will you take me right here, Mr. Politician," you taunted, grinding a little against his knee as his eyes caught flame. "Need to prove your claim that boldly? Not enough to dangle me in front of your colleagues?"

"You're bored of the parties," he said as his head tilted and his hand wrapped around your throat, holding you against the pillar. "You aren't made for the pleasantries of the light."

"I'd much rather us in the dark," you tipped your chin up, your hands roaming up his chest and neck to pull him close.

"I hear you," he panted as your foreheads touched. You teased, your breath on his lips as you kept just out of reach. "But tonight is about what's best for this family."

"I agree," you smirked. "Our little one deserves a good life."

Tommy's mouth slacked and his hand dropped from your throat as you chuckled. 

"S'why Polly's upset," you whispered into his open mouth. "The whiskey. She called it last week. John was in the kitchen. Why do you think your little brother had grown so protective over me again?"

You smiled, taunting as he stood frozen.

"Did you fear your he was trying to claim me again?" Your hand traced his jaw before you closed his mouth. "I'm yours, Tommy Shelby, just like this child is."

"Well, Mrs. Shelby," his voice was hoarse as he pushed the words out, shoveling them like gravel. He cleared his throat as he licked his lips. "Perhaps we should retire for the night."

"And leave your fundraiser?" You asked, your brows raised. 

It was not like him not to be the last one in the ballroom, talking to every last person as if to stuff his pockets with every cent and favor he could. You bit your lip as you watched the gears turn behind his soft eyes. He had completely melted against you. 

"My poor pregnant wife must be exhausted from the stress of the night," he said evenly, his hand tickling your thigh. "And what sort of man would I be if not to take care of her?"

"What sort, indeed," you smiled as you kissed him softly.


End file.
